NES Comments

[Mike_W]

 You're right, there should be a rematch in The Hole.  As far as Damon going to the assylum, my plan wasn't to have him there for very long.  He would only be there for a few days to be evaluated due to Damons rampage being a first offense.  I don't know if Chuck plans on letting others out of the assylum, but Damon's visit will be very short....I promise!

[Mercury]

If there is any ! But listen, my friends, we're exactly doing what was not for me to happen when I started the NES. I don't want the story to be previsible by others writers. Now go Vasilije, write YOUR part, like YOU always wanted to write it, and we'll bounce next with our own style ! That's the way we should do a NES, man ! Go for it !

[Repo Man]

Nah, not now. Not in a mood to write a whole story. Go for it.

[Mercury]

Here's the deal : I'm gonna go to lunch. If nothing's been written, I'll do the job !

[Repo Man]

Finally, fight's finished...now somebody write what happens next.

[Mercury]

Awww, man, looks like we've been posting at the same time...

[Repo Man]

Aww shit...Eci Peci Pec, who deletes?!

[Mike_W]

 I read both of them and I thought both were great!  Maybe you guys won't have to delete, I think that if we were to keep Repo's as the first fight and used Merc's as a story of the rematch.  Just think about it, the stories would fit together perfectly like that!

[BloodChuckZ]

I'm so glad you guys are getting back into this....(it's been lonely here...)
Both versions have merit.....
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Repo, I like your fight description....Very descriptive and plenty of action.

Some observations.....

Mr. Burton is the gym teacher in the Futsal match, and he should send Damon to the Infirmary rather than take him (Damon's a big boy and knows the way)....

There has been no fight between "Nick and Kirby" yet in this verson of the story. The only fight in this verson that Nick has had is with Trent and the two Bullies, Wade and Davis.

"Everyone went to the hole" means they have to sneak in through the outside basement door, or through the inside door by the school store, avoiding both the Prefects AND Mr. Luntz.

The "N" word is considered VERY racist over here....Maybe could be changed to something else (Black Boy ?)
I DO like that break, being saved by Tony, and the drink to re-vitalize Nick....That was good.
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Mercury, I liked the look of the fight from the mental side of it.....The mark of a true in-depth writer.

It's your call as to which verson we should keep.....But if you were to edit yours, as a kind of post-fight description and analysis, I believe both could be left (With the above changes, of course).

[Mercury]

Okay, I got a deal for you, my serbian friend. If you delete everything after the "C'MERE !", my text matches yours, as the second round. Then, Bif rings the bell - you decide what it means, the end of the second round, or the end of the match. If it's the end of the second round, it'll be a dilemna for Nick : should he continue fighting with his ankle ? A lot of suspense and action coming up...

[Repo Man]

I'm so glad you guys are getting back into this....(it's been lonely here...)
Both versions have merit.....
-------------------------------------------
Repo, I like your fight description....Very descriptive and plenty of action.

Some observations.....

Mr. Burton is the gym teacher in the Futsal match, and he should send Damon to the Infirmary rather than take him (Damon's a big boy and knows the way)....

There has been no fight between "Nick and Kirby" yet in this verson of the story. The only fight in this verson that Nick has had is with Trent and the two Bullies, Wade and Davis.

"Everyone went to the hole" means they have to sneak in through the outside basement door, or through the inside door by the school store, avoiding both the Prefects AND Mr. Luntz.

The "N" word is considered VERY racist over here....Maybe could be changed to something else (Black Boy ?)
I DO like that break, being saved by Tony, and the drink to re-vitalize Nick....That was good.
---------------------------------------------------
Mercury, I liked the look of the fight from the mental side of it.....The mark of a true in-depth writer.

It's your call as to which verson we should keep.....But if you were to edit yours, as a kind of post-fight description and analysis, I believe both could be left (With the above changes, of course).

If I'm right, Mr Burton is fired from work during the events of Bully. I don't know if he's brought back in NES, though.

I planned to have Nick fight Kirby, but I dismissed it because Kirby's too small to be able to do something to a person such as Nick.

That isn't hard to achieve...

You mean brother? I'll change it. I'm sorry if it bothers you.



And as for the story, it could be worked out, Mercury! But, why to stop the fight? We can continue it, and Nick can somehow find the way to beat Damon even with his ankle.

[BloodChuckZ]

In the original game, it was Mr. Hattrick who was fired (for cheating), but he was 'brought back' in the first chapter of our NES story by one of the writers (now gone).  We went ahead and kept him, explaining his 're-hire', and that he had lost his house in the process.  Mr. Burton was NOT fired in the original game (even though he's a pervert) and remains in the NES....In fact, all the teachers and staff are still in place.  We just haven't written about them much...(Except Mr. Luntz).

I think we should stay away from all racial slurs, they shouldn't be in the story.  I'm sure there are quite a number of people reading this now, and I don't want to offend anyone or for us to be  having racist overtones in the story.  Mercury, you should use your mod power in this section to make sure all racial slurs are deleted or changed. 

It's not so much that it's offensive to me, Repo (I'm not Black), but it could be to invisible others reading this story.  Our intent here is to entertain, not piss people off. 

[Mike_W]

 Yeah, I'm not personally offended either as I'm not black, but Chuck is right.  We should be mindful of others reading and not come across as a group of racists.  From what I remember there weren't any other words in their that were too bad.

[Scratch]

What about the thing with the watermelon? that was funny as hell but, honestly, how would that even work anways? i dont think he wanted it THAT BAD

[BloodChuckZ]

The Watermelon thing is is considered more a Stereotype and is not a racial slur, Per Se.......Sorta like the Fried Chicken thing, or calling a Mex a 'Taco Bender'.

That was just Mike's imagination, anyway.  The bigger question would be how Constantinos brought along a watermelon in the first place (up his ass ?).......