INTRO REVIEW: It’s pretty interesting so far. AUs are always interesting to read. I’ve noticed a few spelling mistakes, but they happen.
I, however, have a little bit of criticism. I don’t think it’s necessary to repeat the weapons that the characters have. You get what I’m saying, yeah?
“… Damon held an MP5k-PDW… Damon levelled [sic] his MP5k-PDW… Damon and Ted fired their MP5’s… Damon stopped his bike and dismounted, firing his MP5k-PDW…”
We know that he’s got an MP5k-PDW, so why do you keep telling us? This goes for the other characters as well, and it gets repetitive. Every sentence that I read has the name of a weapon in it. You could just say that “[Character] fired [their] weapon of choice” and I’d be set.
I’m not sure how the others feel about this, but this is the only thing that bugs me. I’m not trying to make it seem like a bad story, because it’s not, I’m just trying to provide constructive criticism.
In any case, I look forward to your next post and the ideas you have up your sleeve.