Education WNGUW Story Comments

[Ross]

just throwing this out there, but what is the general opinion on a Bully and Grand Theft Auto crossover that would feature Damon West as the main character?  the basis is that Damon leaves Bullworth, goes to Liberty City to live with an Uncle of his, named Damain Wyles (who is known as Uncle D) and must then go back to Bullworth to exact revenge on a certain former employer.

I'm curious about the reaction it'd get, obviously I'd need to post it before I can judge a proper reaction, but I'd appreciate some sort of feedback before I start major work on it.

[BloodChuckZ]

Always welcome to new stories.  Your Idea sounds like it might be a good read.  And, since Damon has temporarily vanished from my story, he's had to go somewhere, LOL.

A good story DOES take take some major work.  I say go for it if you feel up to the challenge.

[Hayley]

Bully and Grand Theft Auto would make for a good crossover. I agree with Chuck that it sounds like an interesting read, but only if a lot of effort is put into it. Looking at the lyrics you write, it shouldn't be that hard to do.

[Ross]

thanks for the feedback; I've got the extra with only being in part time work so it's just a case of getting the words on a page so to speak.  each chapter will be fairly short, albeit each chapter will be based around a job in Liberty City, so some chapters will be more substantial than others.

[BloodChuckZ]

Just start the story in a new thread when you are ready, and we can comment on it here.

[King Cobra]

I've renamed this thread. Be sure to restart that story in a new topic.

I think the Bully/GTA idea is great. It's something we've talked about in the past.

[Crazy Snake]

It sounds like it'd be real nice. Take things from both games that make them great. Just as long as it hasn't got anything to do with school. And if it did well it couldn't feature any bad weapons, or being able to kill people in it.

[Ross]

intention is that Damon is a few years older and Bullworth has really fallen to shit, it wont be all out guns blazing, its crossing over with GTA so with Damon being early 20's he's bound to be in trouble considering he relocales to Liberty City, but think more of a Pulp Fiction Vince and Jules affair, not a big budget action movie.

[Crazy Snake]

Ok that sounds more like it. I like what you've thought of, and I think it could work. Just need more thought into it as well. The biggest thing is taking Bullworth and making it bigger. Changing a lot of things around to. Kind of like between GTA 3 and IV.

[BloodChuckZ]

Gentlemen.....Start your Writings !!!!!!!

*tap*tap*ticca*tap*tap*ticca*ticca*tap*tap*........

[King Cobra]

I have a Mag to work on, but I'm very low on info. This is gonna take a lot longer than I hoped......

[Crazy Snake]

Atm I can't write, I'm currently working on something else. Kind of big.

[Mike_W]

Gentlemen.....Start your Writings !!!!!!!

*tap*tap*ticca*tap*tap*ticca*ticca*tap*tap*........

Chuck, can you unlock the NES for a while? I gotta add some stuff.

[Hayley]

INTRO REVIEW: It’s pretty interesting so far. AUs are always interesting to read. I’ve noticed a few spelling mistakes, but they happen.

I, however, have a little bit of criticism. I don’t think it’s necessary to repeat the weapons that the characters have. You get what I’m saying, yeah?

“… Damon held an MP5k-PDW… Damon levelled [sic] his MP5k-PDW… Damon and Ted fired their MP5’s… Damon stopped his bike and dismounted, firing his MP5k-PDW…”

We know that he’s got an MP5k-PDW, so why do you keep telling us? This goes for the other characters as well, and it gets repetitive. Every sentence that I read has the name of a weapon in it. You could just say that “[Character] fired [their] weapon of choice” and I’d be set.

I’m not sure how the others feel about this, but this is the only thing that bugs me. I’m not trying to make it seem like a bad story, because it’s not, I’m just trying to provide constructive criticism.

In any case, I look forward to your next post and the ideas you have up your sleeve.

[Ross]

I do it subconsciously, for some reason when I read it back it makes the scene for more intense to me though, like you are constantly updated.  obviously my interpretation as a writer is going be a different planet to the reader.

this started life as a Concept thread for GTAForums but I got fed up with the idea of writing in cutscene dialogue and then mission details, so whilst this gets off the ground, it's probably gonna be a bit wooden, and as pointed out by Hayley, repetitive.  however hopefully I can get into the flow of writing stories again, not the Concept thread-esque go here and shoot this guy.

I'm grateful for the criticism, end of the day I cant know what I'm doing to please to reader if I'm not told.

also, bonus credit if anyone from GTAF recognizes Damian Wyles from my previous work