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Author Topic: Education WNGUW Story Comments  (Read 9790 times)

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Offline Ross

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Education WNGUW Story Comments
« on: July 24, 2011, 04:15:17 PM »
just throwing this out there, but what is the general opinion on a Bully and Grand Theft Auto crossover that would feature Damon West as the main character?  the basis is that Damon leaves Bullworth, goes to Liberty City to live with an Uncle of his, named Damain Wyles (who is known as Uncle D) and must then go back to Bullworth to exact revenge on a certain former employer.

I'm curious about the reaction it'd get, obviously I'd need to post it before I can judge a proper reaction, but I'd appreciate some sort of feedback before I start major work on it.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2015, 01:30:14 PM by BloodChuckZ »

Offline BloodChuckZ

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2011, 05:37:20 PM »
Always welcome to new stories.  Your Idea sounds like it might be a good read.  And, since Damon has temporarily vanished from my story, he's had to go somewhere, LOL.

A good story DOES take take some major work.  I say go for it if you feel up to the challenge.

Offline Hayley

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2011, 05:42:18 PM »
Bully and Grand Theft Auto would make for a good crossover. I agree with Chuck that it sounds like an interesting read, but only if a lot of effort is put into it. Looking at the lyrics you write, it shouldn't be that hard to do.

Offline Ross

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2011, 06:26:28 AM »
thanks for the feedback; I've got the extra with only being in part time work so it's just a case of getting the words on a page so to speak.  each chapter will be fairly short, albeit each chapter will be based around a job in Liberty City, so some chapters will be more substantial than others.

Offline BloodChuckZ

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2011, 08:57:02 PM »
Just start the story in a new thread when you are ready, and we can comment on it here.

Offline King Cobra

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2011, 05:51:02 PM »
I've renamed this thread. Be sure to restart that story in a new topic.

I think the Bully/GTA idea is great. It's something we've talked about in the past.

Offline Crazy Snake

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2011, 11:45:34 PM »
It sounds like it'd be real nice. Take things from both games that make them great. Just as long as it hasn't got anything to do with school. And if it did well it couldn't feature any bad weapons, or being able to kill people in it.

Offline Ross

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2011, 06:37:38 PM »
intention is that Damon is a few years older and Bullworth has really fallen to shit, it wont be all out guns blazing, its crossing over with GTA so with Damon being early 20's he's bound to be in trouble considering he relocales to Liberty City, but think more of a Pulp Fiction Vince and Jules affair, not a big budget action movie.

Offline Crazy Snake

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2011, 08:04:06 PM »
Ok that sounds more like it. I like what you've thought of, and I think it could work. Just need more thought into it as well. The biggest thing is taking Bullworth and making it bigger. Changing a lot of things around to. Kind of like between GTA 3 and IV.

Offline BloodChuckZ

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2011, 10:37:11 AM »
Gentlemen.....Start your Writings !!!!!!!

*tap*tap*ticca*tap*tap*ticca*ticca*tap*tap*........

Offline King Cobra

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2011, 07:57:13 PM »
I have a Mag to work on, but I'm very low on info. This is gonna take a lot longer than I hoped......

Offline Crazy Snake

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2011, 08:23:13 PM »
Atm I can't write, I'm currently working on something else. Kind of big.

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2011, 08:48:43 AM »
Gentlemen.....Start your Writings !!!!!!!

*tap*tap*ticca*tap*tap*ticca*ticca*tap*tap*........

Chuck, can you unlock the NES for a while? I gotta add some stuff.

Offline Hayley

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2011, 03:46:00 PM »
INTRO REVIEW: It’s pretty interesting so far. AUs are always interesting to read. I’ve noticed a few spelling mistakes, but they happen.

I, however, have a little bit of criticism. I don’t think it’s necessary to repeat the weapons that the characters have. You get what I’m saying, yeah?

“… Damon held an MP5k-PDW… Damon levelled [sic] his MP5k-PDW… Damon and Ted fired their MP5’s… Damon stopped his bike and dismounted, firing his MP5k-PDW…”

We know that he’s got an MP5k-PDW, so why do you keep telling us? This goes for the other characters as well, and it gets repetitive. Every sentence that I read has the name of a weapon in it. You could just say that “[Character] fired [their] weapon of choice” and I’d be set.

I’m not sure how the others feel about this, but this is the only thing that bugs me. I’m not trying to make it seem like a bad story, because it’s not, I’m just trying to provide constructive criticism.

In any case, I look forward to your next post and the ideas you have up your sleeve.

Offline Ross

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Re: Bully/Grand Theft Auto crossover: comments
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2011, 04:47:28 PM »
I do it subconsciously, for some reason when I read it back it makes the scene for more intense to me though, like you are constantly updated.  obviously my interpretation as a writer is going be a different planet to the reader.

this started life as a Concept thread for GTAForums but I got fed up with the idea of writing in cutscene dialogue and then mission details, so whilst this gets off the ground, it's probably gonna be a bit wooden, and as pointed out by Hayley, repetitive.  however hopefully I can get into the flow of writing stories again, not the Concept thread-esque go here and shoot this guy.

I'm grateful for the criticism, end of the day I cant know what I'm doing to please to reader if I'm not told.

also, bonus credit if anyone from GTAF recognizes Damian Wyles from my previous work ;)