Melvin banged once again at the door in the basement of the Dragon’s Wing. “Com’on, Thad, open up !!", he whined. “You’ve been in there for days !!”
Actually, that was an exaggeration....Thad had only been holed up in the tiny room since Friday after school. At first, it hadn’t been noticed that he was even missing, and it wasn’t until late Saturday that Bucky had even mentioned anything. After looking high and low for him, the Nerds had finally discovered him holed up in the small basement room Sunday morning. Melvin had keys to the locks, of course, but it appeared that Thad had done something to them....Stuck Gum or Glue in them, maybe. The only way it had even been known that Thad was in there was when Melvin tried to get in. Thad had yelled out, “GO AWAY !! I’M BUSY !!” through the door. When Melvin tried to persuade him to come out, his only response was to repeat the he was busy, and to come back later.
Well, it was now several hours later, but Melvin was getting no response. He got to thinking that something had actually happened to Thad, and that maybe he should get a couple of their M-80s (which were in short supply these days), and blow open the locks. Just as Melvin stepped back from the door, however, the locks clicked and the door was flung open to reveal a rather haggard-looking Thad.
Thad was a mess. His hair was wildly tangled, and rivets of sweat were running down his face. His glasses were spotted with drops of moisture, and his shirt was in disarray, unbuttoned and open. He had a wild look in his eyes as he faced Melvin....But it was a look of triumph.
“Thad ?”, Melvin said, taken aback at the sight of him, “What’s....Happened to you ?”
“I’ve Done It !!!”, he declared, a note of elation in his voice.
“Umm....Done what ?”, Melvin asked, wondering if Thad had gone insane.
“Figured it out”, Thad crowed. “The Trigger Release....The Increased Velocity Spring...I’ve built it !!!” Thad led Melvin into the room. It smelled of sweat and farts, like it hadn’t been aired out in a while. “Look !!!”, Thad exclaimed, pointing to an object on the table, “There It Is !!!”
Melvin looked. On the table lay the biggest hand-carried weapon Melvin had ever seen. “Is that.....”
“The Th-uper Th-pud Gun !!!”, Thad lisped proudly. “After all these years, we finally have the Ultimate Weapon, and it’s ME that will go down in Nerd Hith-thory !!!”
Melvin examined the weapon. It’s Barrel looked three times the length of a regular Spud gun, and had aiming sights at the tip. It’s handgrip was a little larger than a standard-size Spud Gun, presumably to house the larger Increased Velocity Spring in the Trigger Assembly and the Compressed Air Charge. There was also a Collapsible Buttstock attached for optional shoulder firing. Melvin could see that the Multi-Stock also acted as the Magazine for storage of extra Spud rounds. It was quite a formidable looking weapon.
“Hmmm.....It looks powerful”, Melvin observed, “But....Just how long is that ?”
Thad whipped out his trusty yardstick. “A bit more than 36 Inches”, he announced, measuring it.
“But....That’s too long !”, Melvin protested. “We won’t be able to hide this thing if we’re carrying it around !”
“Oh, Yess, we will !”, crowed Thad. “I made the Barrel collapsible, Th-see ?” And in so saying, Thad showed him, collapsing the Barrel down to just a third of it’s size, then back again.
“How’d you do that ?”, Melvin said wonderingly.
“It’s really three tubes, they fit inside each other”, Thad explained, “It’s these Ball Bearings that lock them into place, Th-see ?”
Melvin saw. “Wow....With this thing, it’ll almost be like a....Potrable Spud Cannon !!”, he exclaimed excitedly. “Have you tested it yet ?”
“No”, Thad admitted, “I just got it done ! But I want to go th-ry !”
Melvin looked at him, and wrinkled his nose. “Clean yourself up some first. Then we’ll go to the G&G Field and test it out !”
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An hour later, they were at the area between the school and the old rail line path, a spot long used as the Nerd’s G&G Battle Game Area. There were low rock faces on both sides, and the area stretched from behind the Library down to beside the Observatory and a little ways past. They had entered through the Nerd’s Gate, set beside the Library and now much more secure than it ever had been. Melvin had grabbed a small empty wooden crate to take along for a target, and when they encountered the cleared area, Melvin laid down the crate and they began counting steps. Walking South, they had paced off a bit more than 500 steps. By this time, there were near the mounds at the South end, so they climbed one and Thad pulled out and un-collapsed the weapon. Resting the Buttstock on his shoulder, he sighted back to the wooden crate, now just barely visible, and squeezed the trigger.
The sharp, unexpected recoil knocked Thad on his ass, the Buttstock of the Super Spud Gun dropping into Thad’s crotch as he fell. “OH, NUTS !!”, he exclaimed loudly, but he still kept ahold of the Barrel.
Melvin had paid no attention to Thad’s woe, though. He had been tracking the path of the Spud as it sped toward it’s target, almost too fast for him to see. The wooden crate splintered to pieces in less than a second after Thad had pulled the trigger. “Oh, Mah Lord !”, Melvin uttered in sheer amazement. A line of poetry ran through his mind as thoughts of what his overbearing Father would say to such a display, and he whispered the words.....
"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock ?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day ! Callooh ! Callay !
He chortled in his joy !”Thad struggled back to his feet. “Holy Castles !”, he exclaimed. “It Works !! WORKS !!”
“Wow....", Melvin said, as if in a dream. “Wonder how fast that was traveling ?”
“The th-peed of light times the th-peed of a flying th-paceship", Thad cried gleefully. “Not Impossible !!"
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