“Come on to the Lunchroom”, Patrick said, “I’ll show you who all is here !”
Sponge Bob followed Patrick down to the Lunchroom. It was a huge place, packed with students, with large round tables spread all over. Piles of slim Catfish bones on each one bore testament to the good eating here. Catfish of the sea were just like Cows of the land, and were raised and hearded by Catboys on vast stretches of open freshwater bottom plain.
After getting heaping platefulls of Catfish themselves from the serving line, Patrick and Sponge Bob sat down at the lone vacant table by the drinking fountain. As they ate, Patrick pointed out the various groups around the Lunchroom.
Pointing at the table closest, Patrick said, “Them there is the Octopuses. They’re like, real Nerdy. They find and make stuff from the junk the humans throw in the Ocean. Their leader is that guy there named Emid.” He lowered his voice. “They’re real wussies. When they run, they squirt this black piss stuff from their privates. They hang out over at the Fishberry.”
Sponge Bob looked to the table and saw a bunch of fat, slobbish-looking Octopui waving their tentacles around and talking what sounded to him like gibberish. They had beady little eyes that kept constantly shifting back and forth. Their leader, Emid, was the fattest of all of them, and was the ugliest thing that Sponge Bob had ever seen.
Pointing to another table, Patrick said, “Them over there is the Crabs. They’re kinda dumb, but they scavenge stuff farther out in the Ocean and can build like bicycles and things like that. They are always over at the Fin Shop, just farting around. Their leader is that guy there, Johnny Crab.”
Sponge Bob was staring at the table and saw Crabs of various sizes, from Hermit Crabs to Spider Crabs to Ophelia Crabs. The only King Crab was Johnny Crab, the group’s leader. All were ugly-looking, and had big, mean-looking claws and pinchers. Like the Octoupi, they all had multiple arms. Each one, Sponge Bob noticed, had hairy-looking appendages that resembled mustaches.
Patrick indicated another table, saying, “Them there’s the Sharks. They are like, the rich fish of the school. They always have plenty of Clamshells to spend, and their families are loaded from all the rich people they’ve eaten over the years. They even got their own place to stay, Sharkington Shell. They look down on everybody else, cause they think they’re all better and stuff.” Patrick looked unhappy, saying, “That Shark that’s their leader, Durry, makes fun of me all the time, he says cause I’m pink and fat. I don’t like them at all.”
Sponge Bob noticed that the Sharks always looked like they were grinning at something, and not in a nice way. They had mouthfuls of huge white, sparkley teeth and movie-fish good looks, with beady black eyes that seemed to rove around. Their leader, Durry, was pointing his fin at various tables and saying something, to which the other Sharks laughed uproariously. To a shark, they all had soft, white underbellies, and were dressed in Preppy-looking clothes.
Patrick moved on, indicating another table. “Them’s the Stingrays over there. They’re the Jocks here. They’re real speedy and fast, and can hit real hard. They got a stinger on their tail, but they’re not supposed to use it during the games. One of them got expelled last year for stinging a Teacherfish to death.” Patrick shook his head appendage. “They’re bad news, sometimes. The Ray who’s their leader though, Tron, usually keeps them in line. They hang out at the Gym mostly, and don’t like it that other fish get in their territory.”
Sponge Bob noticed that instead of arms, the Stingrays had huge wing-like appendages that looked big enough to swim across the Ocean without breaking a sweat. They had huge bodies, and Sponge Bob had no doubt they could knock down other fish just by flapping those wing-like things. They also had beady-looking little eyes and looked constantly pissed-off, which could be a way of intimidation, he thought. They didn’t appear too friendly, Sponge Bob thought. Their leader, Tron, was glaring about the Lunchroom, and the others were following suit.
Contuning, Patrick said, “Way over there is the Pufferfish. They are even more wussey that the Octopuses, real scaredy-fish. They try to hide from everybody, but when they get nervous, they like, puff up like water ballons. It’s like they pee themselves from the inside”, Patrick said, laughing. “Everybody makes fun of them, cause they’re fraidy-fish, so they don’t talk much. That purple one there, Petey Pufferfish, is sorta their leader, but all he usually ever does is try to find them places to hide out from everybody.”
Sponge Bob noticed that the Pufferfish huddled mostly together, their mouths puckering and unpuckering, their eyes darting here and there. The other fish were throwing bones at them, and every once and a while, one of them would suddenly puff up while the nearby fish would laugh and jeer at them. They looked like they were scared out of their gourds.
“And over there, is the Barracudas, who you already met”, said Patrick. “They like to Bully the Octopuses, the Pufferfish, and the little fish, but they run like Chickenfish when somebody tougher than them shows up.” Patrick laughed. “That was really funny when you bounced Lenny off you like that ! They will probably leave you alone now, but they are sneaky and they might try to bully you again sometime.”
“You mean they weren’t playing ?”, Sponge Bob asked, his big eyes widening.
“No, Sponge Bob, they were trying to bite you !”, Patrick replied.
“Ahahahahaaa”, Sponge Bob said falteringly. “Whatta bunch, huh, Patrick ?”
“Oh, there’s better things here”, Patrick said, “There’s GIRLS here, too !”
The bell rang for afternoon classes just then, and Patrick rose to go. “I gotta go to class now, but I’ll see you later at the Dorm”, he said. “We get to room together ! It’s going to be fun !!”
And then he was off. Sponge Bob got a drink of air from the drinking fountain, and then wandered out of the school and headed towards the Dorm. He couldn’t wait to see what his room looked like, and was happy he had found a friend like Patrick on his first day.
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