Lindsay Lohan, Winona Ryder, Sissy Spacek and everyone you've ever known can tell you that high school's a real bitch. Unless you're home-schooled - and trust us, in the long run, that's worse - it's just a miserable hurdle we all have to jump if we want to get to college, where the beer is.
Your high school was a jungle, and Bullworth Academy is no different. The girls are mean, the boys are crude, the headmaster is a cranky fun-miser. Fortunately, we've put together these helpful tips to get the new girls of Bullworth Academy through the next few years unscathed.
1. Go slow with the boys of Bullworth
Get ready to party like it's 1899 - the boys of Bullworth don't respond well to the fast and loose dating habits of the modern teenage girl. Withhold your tender kiss until he makes with the flowers and chocolates. If your suitor is less than forthcoming with gifts, don't be afraid to demand - er, ask for it - these boys are most interested in the girls they have to work for. That doesn't mean some boys won't try to get your time before they pony up a dime - or even get to know you. Just ignore those lazy cheapskates, and if they try to get fresh, their only reward will be the sight of you walking away.
2. Steer clear of Lola
Lola is ... what's the word? A skank. She wears five pounds of makeup to disguise her bad skin, and she's made out with at least half the senior class - or so the rumor goes . Knowing Lola, it's probably a rumor she started herself. She's usually dating Johnny Vincent, and she's into the bad boy thing, but in a pinch she'll go after anything that moves. Keep yourself - and any male you'd like to claim as your own - as far off her radar as possible.
3. No fighting in the girls' dorm
Avoid getting into fights in the dorms - you'll have enough trouble dealing with the boys at school without making enemies of your best chums. With dating codes too strict for your grandmother to follow, draconian beauty regimens, and studying enough to make your mama proud, who has the time for catfights? You and your girls need to stick together.4. Maintain a clear complexion
Beatrice is really smart, generous, and kind. She's often found helping the younger students with their homework. Tragically, she has braces, acne, and frequent cold sores. In high school, all the generosity in the world can't save you from such a trifecta of social death sentences. You'll usually find Beatrice crying somewhere, a victim of the popular kids' war against the gross and the oily. To avoid her plight, adopt a strict routine of cleansing, toning and moisturizing - and don't hang out with the dorks in the library like Beatrice.
5. This season's look at Bullworth Academy.... Check, preferably in green!
The Bullworth Check is a timeless style... as though you have a choice. Uniforms aren't the end of the world. Sure, you'll look like everyone else, but at least you know if you keep yourself clean, you'll be hotter than Beatrice. If that's not enough for you, get your hands on a copy of the dress code and look for loopholes like it's your job.
6. Make nice with Mandy
Mandy is thin, pretty, a Bullhorns cheerleader, and she's been dating quarterback Ted Thompson since the beginning of time. Whether the students and teachers love her or fear her is irrelevant - it amounts to the same thing: Mandy can and does get away with anything. Stay on her good side at any cost. She's cold as ice and not very pleasant to be around, but you'll have to kiss her skinny butt like your social life depends on it. It basically does. 7. Study hard
Guys at Bullworth Academy think studying isn't cool, but you know there are one or two things more important than being cool. The boys in school may drive you crazy now, but use your fury to get ahead. Study your little heart out and picture those jerks pumping your gas when you're all grown up.
8. Be choosy with the boys
Be selective, lest your magical first kiss coincide neatly with your magical first write-up on the wall of the boys' bathroom. Make sure your lips touch only the most worthy boy - one who has showered you with plenty of attention and plenty of bling. Remember the flowers? The chocolates? If he's serious about winning your heart, you'll know you can get a little cozy without getting a reputation.
9. NEVER tolerate rough stuff from the boys
Adopt a zero tolerance policy on tomfoolery. If one of the Bullworth boys tries to pinch your bottom, don't stop to wonder who pinches bottoms, just kick him where the sun don't shine and run to the headmaster. You'll be doing him a favor - it's a lesson he should learn now, before he tries that act in the real world and gets fired from his go-nowhere job.
