Hi, this is something I wrote recently that I thought about writing, and now I want to share it with you. To sum it up, this is about Bubsy 3D,a PS1 game I really REALLY hate, period. So I thought, maybe I could write something about it. Bubsy 3D is a horrible game, and Michael Berlyn of Eidetic is the dude behind the game, and he features in this story. I have nothing personal against him, infact he, and along with his team made some very good games after Bubsy 3D, such as the Syphon Filter series, I've played Dark Mirror/Logan's Shadow. This is purely a joke about Bubsy 3D, and Michael Berlyn, it should not be taken seriously in any shape of form, I was just having a bit of fun that's all. I feel I could of done better with this, especially the ending, but eh, it is what it is so I went with that. This may not be too funny to people, but hopefully I wrote it decently. Happy reading.
The Bubsy Bribery
(The following is not entirely true, but probably somewhere in the middle, but still isn't entirely true.)
One day Michael Berlyn of Eidetic met up with a guy at PSExtreme, a conversation then began to brew....
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Hello there, good to see you!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Hello, it's nice see you too!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Ok, well you know why we are in this conversation yes?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Oh yes, I most certainly do."
Guy at PSExtreme whips out a copy of Bubsy 3D.
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Yep, that very game is what we must discuss."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Uh huh, so..........."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "So, yeah we gave you a copy, as we did with many top game reviewers around the world, we are really hoping for a fantastic postive review on this masterpiece I call Bubsy 3D."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "I see, well I've played the game A LOT recently."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Ah superb, so what did you think, it's really something isn't it?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Now that I can agree on, it really is SOMETHING!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Well............go on, tell me what I want to hear, did you really enjoy it?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Uh, well............"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Well? Well what?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Well, you see, I, just couldn't believe how incredibly......"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Man, you are building up the suspense quite nicely, GO ON, LET IT OUT!!!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "...........incredibly BROKEN it is!!!!!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "..........................."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "You ok, you look like a broken man with that look."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "BROKEN?
?? BROKEN?
??"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Well yes, it just doesn't feel right, but there's certainly a game here."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I worked day and night to produce this game, along with my hard working team, we'd even work on this game in our sleep!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "There's no denying the dedication you put into making this game, but it's true, it's broken I'm afraid."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Ok ok, but surely there are postives, please enlighten me with atleast those."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Er, as a reviewer I have to say the animation looks quite horrific, the textures don't look finished, music just isn't memorable, Bubsy's voice is like a cat scratching a black board, and not forgetting the horrible controls!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh my gawd, did you really say ALL OF THAT in one sentence?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Yes I did, but I will say the model of Bubsy looks pretty good, and the water levels can be a tad relaxing sometimes."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh my gawd, did you really speak positively about Bubsy 3D in one sentence?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Yes, but that's as far as positively goes for this game, I'm sorry."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "You will be sorry."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "I will be sorry?"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh sorry, did I say that out loud, forgive me for my blabbering mouth."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "O..........................................k"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "OK OK OK OK OK OK, I'm saying ok too many times, right you've played the game, you've told me what you thought, now you must review it, just leave out all the negative bits yeah, and just mention the postive bits yeah?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Erm, it doesn't quite work like that I'm afraid."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: Er how does it work then?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "As a professional reviewer, it is my duty to speak honest, and tell it like it is, in short words, Bubsy 3D sucks!!!!!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "HOW DARE YOU SAY BUBSY 3D SUCKS!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "But but I'm being honest, I know a bad game when I see one, it's right here."
Guy at PSEXtreme waves copy of Bubsy 3D around.
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "No, you cannot do this, we here at Eidetic are competing with Super Mario 64, and I must take down the Plumber!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "I'm afraid the Plumber has already won, Bubsy cannot compete with him."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "But but but, I just can't let Mario win, I need good reviews on this game, my life depends on it."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Take it easy, but the truth is, Mario has defeated him."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Bubsy isn't defeated, he's a Bobcat with 9 lives!!!!!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "I think Mario has already bopped on his head 9 times, and he's now lost all his lives, and has died."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "No I'm not listening, just do me a postive review on Bubsy 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "My answer is NO."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh come on, I need something, this is very important to Accolade, I don't want my game to get panned."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "You should of reprogrammed the game better, I forgot to say, the boss battles are pretty sucky, along with some unfair deaths."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh, more negativity about Bubsy 3D, you are going to enjoy doing this bad review aren't you?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Enjoy it, I'm gonna hate it, this game is a train wreck!."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh man, will you ever shut up about the negative stuff of the game."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Hmm, well this conversation is as good as over, goodbye."
As Guy at PSEXtreme leaves, Michael Berlyn of Eidetic grabs him from the arm.
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Wait, wait, ok ok ok ok ok ok, how much do you want?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "What, what are you talking about?""
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "How much do you want, I'll give you a good amount of cash to produce a postive review on Bubsy 3D."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Wha.....are you attempting a bribery upon me?"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Well, I would call it a money deal, in exchange for a postive review."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "I'm sorry, I don't take bribes, goodbye."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "OH PLEASE, DON'T GO, ALL I WANT IS A GOOD REVIEW, I'LL GIVE YOU ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU WANT!!!!!!!!."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "............................"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Name the price, and I'll give it to you."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Hmmmmmmm, well as Doctor Evil once said................ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "HOLY CRAP, DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT MUCH."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "You said any amount, so that's my amount."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I..........don't have that much!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Oh you don't, well goodbye then."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "NO NO NO NO, DON'T GO, YES YES YES YES I'LL GIVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF IT, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE THAT AMOUNT, I'LL FIND A WAY IF IT TAKES ME 30 YEARS!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Ah, so you will owe me for a very long time then, this will be very interesting, I need to write this down, you will owe me 1 million dollars for as long as it takes."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I can't believe you want 1 million dollars."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Well it's true, how much do you have on you right now, it's best you start giving me all the cash you have."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic checks in his pockets, and stuff.
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I think I have around 100 dollars here, ok...here you go I regret this!!!"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "100 dollars is a good start, just the odd $999,900 to go then."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Ok, so we have a deal yes, this big bribe, and you'll give me a postive review on Bubsy 3D?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "I hate the word bribe, but this deal is more of less agreed. I'll write that postive review, and whilst I'm doing it, I'll be throwing the 100 dollars up in the air, and know there is more to come when it comes to the moneys you are going to give me."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I don't know how I'm going to get ALL of it, but now I realise that I may be going to too much trouble to get a..."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Sorry, didn't quite catch that, was smelling the money you gave me, feels so good, dirty but good."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Well, I guess this is goodbye then, I'll be back even though I don't want too."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "You'd best try to win the lottery, or sell Eidetic, or something!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh man, don't give me ideas, there must be better ways to get money, argghhhhhhhh this is not a good idea now."
Guy at PSEXtreme: "You should of thought of that before the Bubsy Bribery!"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Right, I'm so outta here, I'll give you my email so you can tell me where I can send the money ok?"
Guy at PSEXtreme: "Ok then, it was nice to meet you, and those evil ways of yours."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I'm not EVIL, I'm just a desperate guy that's after a desperate good review."
And with that, they both walked away from each other after a heated discussion which ended in a bribe.
---Later on---
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic sees the boxart of Bubsy 3D, and a sees the little review from PSExtreme, GOLD X AWARD "one of the sleeper hits 96...an experience that no action platform gamer should miss."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "....................................."
A woman appears in his office.
Woman: "You okay sir?"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "I'm not sure how I feel, I went to so much trouble for a good postive review."
Woman: "But it ended up on the boxart, which surely will help sales of the game yes?"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "The game is already panned by many MANY other reviewers, gamers won't believe this tosh on the box, they will think it's either crazy or sarcastic."
Woman: "What do you think we should do?"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Nothing, I've come to consideration that Bubsy 3D sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Another woman appears in his office.
Woman 2: "Sir, we have a call here from PSEXtreme."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh no, not THAT guy, what does he want?"
Woman 2: "Well, he's coming over to see you."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "Oh......when?"
Woman 2: "Today, and he says he's bringing company."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "What kind of company?"
Woman 2: "The Police."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "HOLY BALLS, WHAT?!"
Woman 2: "He says the bribe you gave him wasn't a real bribe at all, you gave him fake money that looks remarkably like real money, and now he's informed the Police."
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "God damn, that plan ALMOST worked, I just couldn't afford to give him actual real money, I don't even have 1 million dollars."
Woman 2: "You sir, are now rumbled, maybe I'll visit you in jail sometime yeah?"
Michael Berlyn of Eidetic: "As Bubsy would say, what could possibly go wrong, EVERYTHING JUST DID!"
And with that Michael Berlyn of Eidetic get's arrested for such a cunning, but not so clever "fake" bribe upon Guy At PSExtreme.
The End.
Notes:
PSExtreme (People responsible for Gold X Award)
Additional Notes:
Head Guy At Accolade was originally in this story but was replaced with Michael Berlyn of Eidetic.
DS - Written 18/6/15 (Edited 19/6/15 & 20/6/15.
