Dr. Crabblesnitch was serenely asleep, stretched out on the couch in his office in a somewhat slouched manner, smiling and laughing in the midst of his rather joyful dream. This dream was one typical of the ‘Chairman’ of Bullworth, involving kids getting bullied, in what he describes as ‘School spirit’. Students, and adults alike, following every command he spewed at them without complaint, thoughts beyond imagination that belonged solely to him. He entrusted in his wonderful dream until he was awakened rather crudely by something hard digging into his side.
Crabblesnitch jolted awake as if he had just been electrocuted, fully intent on ripping the person who had awakened him a new one, unless, of course, it was Miss Danvers. Unfortunately for him, that was slightly impossible as she had actually left Bullworth and set off to New York awhile back to pursue other career endeavors. He was still saddened over this, and he no longer had a wonderful secretary as he didn’t want her to be ‘Replaced’. Anyway, back to the point, he was still pissed that he had been rudely woken up. “What the hell is wrong with you-” he shouted, but stopped when he saw who had awakened him.
Two small boys stood beside the couch, staring at him with a mischievous smile. One had thick, scruffy brown hair, with a stud earring in one ear. And the other with a pompadour and a nasally voice. Both had leather jackets.
“Good one, John-boy!” the smaller boy with the pompadour said to his friend with a high-five.
Crabblesnitch stared at them in a dumfounded state. Children... In his office? Sure, younger students going into his office was a normal act. But not without invitation, he’d always give an inspirational lecture to the younger students at his school which ultimately never led to anything, but he’d never seen students this young at his school, nor in his office. But here they were, in his office, looking at him. He supposed it must have been a relative of a student, or maybe even a child of a teacher or something along those lines. And when he found out who they belonged to, someone was going to get a foot up their ass. “Your names.” Crabblesnitch commanded. “Now.”
The two boys in mini leather jackets stared back at him, even looking at him with a mildly surprised manner.
“Don’t cha know us, old man?” the boy with the pompadour said. “I’m Peanut, this is Johnny, and I’m part of the Gweesers.”
The other shook his head and let out a sigh of minor frustration. “No, Larry. It’s Greasers.”
“That’s what I said,” the smaller boy relayed, “The Geezers.”
The other slapped his forehead into his palm in an embarrassed manner, and mumbled.
“Wotta idiot.”
Meanwhile, Crabblesnitche’s mouth was agape, and he was staring at the two boys who had a shocking resemblance to the Greasers. “Romano?” he said in a shocked tone. “Johnny Vincent?”
“He knows us!” Peanut cried in delight. “Yay! He knows us! He knows us!”
“No surprise, everybody knows the king round’ here is Johnny Vincent.” He said proudly.
Yep. Definitely Larry Romano and Johnny Vincent. Crabblesnitch thought. A door suddenly swung open wildly, and another boy stepped into the office. This one was wearing wearing school slacks and a Letterman's Jacket half way buttoned up, with a grin spread across his face.
Larry, otherwise known as Peanut, let out another gleeful cry and ran to the new boy. “Hey Ted!”
Ted grinned at him, “Yo buddy.”
Johnny didn’t enjoy Ted’s presence whatsoever, it was no secret that those two had some beef with each other. Although, this didn’t stop Peanut from continuing his friendship with the Jock. Johnny made it obvious he wasn’t happy to see him.
“Ted.” Johnny said shortly, his arms crossed over his chest.
The Jock returned the gaze, “Johnny,” he replied in the same tone. The two continued staring at each other like a pair of rival lions, each second spent on glazing at each other fueled up the impenetrable hatred those two boys had for one another. Peanut looked from one to the other and frowned.
“C’mon guys, can’t you at least try to get along?” Peanut pleaded.
Neither replied.
Meanwhile, on the couch, Crabblesnitche’s mouth had been even widened longer than it was previously. Not digesting what he was seeing. “Ted?...”
The Jock turned to him, looking surprised. After glaring at him for a few more moments, he turned back to Peanut. “Who’s this old bastard?” he inquired.
Peanut shrugged. “How am I ‘spose to know? The door says he’s the...” He looked at the door and looked upon the sign carefully. “See... hair... man. Seehairman.”
Johnny let out a snigger. “Seehairman? What’s that?”
Peanut thought for a few moments. “I think it’s a man with lots of hair that we can see.”
Johnny let out a half suppressed chuckle. “Well, maybe you’re right.”
Peanut nodded in agreement. “For sure.”
Ted walked up to them, and, giving Johnny one final heated glare, put an arm around Peanut’s shoulders and grinned. “No.” Ted said. “It doesn’t say seehairman, Peanut. It says Chairman. ‘Chairman of Bullworth Academy’.” He recited the words off the sign with a laugh.
“Chairman?... What the hell is that?” Peanut replied, puzzled.
“A man who is a chair.” Johnny said dully in a sarcastic tone.
Peanut looked at Crabblesnitch with a confused face. “He doesn’t look like a chair.” He said doubtfully.
“That’s only because he’s a chair in disguise.” Replied Johnny.
“Oh.” Peanut nodded. Not noticing, until now, how stupid he was for not noticing that he was a chair in disguise. “I see.”
‘Well, they’re not that different.’ Crabs thought out of the blue, suddenly falling into a deep state of hysterical laughter. The three boys looked at him with confused frowns.
“Um... Is it just me or is this guy nuts?” Ted remarked, jerking a thumb to the direction of Crabblesnitch. In the process, he let off an unintentional pun.
“Hey, don’t call me that.” Peanut said.
Crabblesnitch laughed harder and fell backwards, tumbling off the couch and crashing to the floor, laughing crazily.
Larry, being the curious little boy he was, walked up to the laughing ‘Chairman’, and studied him thoughtfully. Cautiously, he put his foot next to his side, and gave him a light nudge. He jumped back immediately, guard up, ready to defend himself should the need arise.
Finally, Crabby got a hold of himself, and stood, glaring at the three boys. Peanut immediately retreated to Johnny’s side, and the children stared back at the Chairman of the academy with their own unflinching, distrustful gaze.
"How old are all of you?" Crabs questioned finally.
Peanut immediately stepped forward in a strong manner, throwing out his chest. "Five, Chairman person!" he announced proudly.
He felt weak again. Five years old? There were three five year olds in his office? As if that wasn't bad enough, two of them were Greasers. God knew what they were like when they were children. Not to mention Ted.
Crabblesnitch had a sinking feeling he would soon find out how they acted when they were five year olds soon enough.
