Eons ago, there was a chick who was like a goddess or something and she lived underwater as a mermaid. She shimmered lots of colors, golds, greens, blues, purples, and pinks. All the sea monsters chilled with her until they were killed off by superstitious sailor assholes like Columbus and Vespucci. Assholes.
So she eventually got bored of swimming with shrimp and she didn't like seafood much anyway, so she decided to hop her floppy-finned ass out of the water.
It took a few days, but the scales and fins dried out to reveal some legs. She was a bit wobbly at first, because she only used them to drift in water, so she had to build up some muscle tone and shit.
Since she was lonely and she could only eat so many strawberries, she decided to make some inhabitants for the little island of Bully-Board she lived on.
As she was walking around, she came across an old oak tree that was massive in stature. She grabbed the nearest, sharpest rock and started to carve. She carved both morning and night until she was satisfied. Then she let out a low, cool breath, and the oak tree came to life. She called it Chuck and the other inhabitants of Bully-Board would come to him and listen to his tales, seek his advice, and grow in his wisdom.
TO BE CONTINUED ... I'm sleepy and bored. Shut up, assholes.
