Below are the Quotes on the cards Jimmy recives from the Majic Moostapholees Fortune-Telling Machine....
>>"Good luck. You'll need it."
>>"If you go camping, beware of evil intent."
>>"Stay home, read a book."
>>"Do not throw glasses if you live in a stone house."
>>"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
>>"If you need to get the point, sit on a tack."
>>"The best marmalade is made from forbidden fruit."
>>"A house without a toilet is uncanny."
>>"If you're on high cliff, don't jump to conclusion."
>>"Isn't it about time you got a job?"
>>"You're wasting your life."
>>"Consider a career in politics."
>>"Running behind a car is exhausting."
>>"If you live in a glass house, change in the basement."
>>"Two wrongs do not make a right, but 3 lefts do."
>>"Do not argue with the person packing your parachute."
>>"When things go wrong, don't follow along."
>>"Don't forget to change your socks."
>>"Confession is good for the soul but bad for your reputation."
>>"Never test the depth of the water with both feet."
>>"If you put your face in fruit drink, you may get punch in nose."
>>"To make life interesting, believe everything you hear."
>>"Consider trying less hard."
>>"You're a winner. No really. You are."
>>"Have you considered running away from your problems?"
>>"The smarter you think you are, the less likely it is that you're right."
>>"Get over yourself. Jerk."
>>"The answer to your question is: maybe."
>>"Don't be so self-centered."
>>"You need a haircut."
>>"Before you act, check with your mother."
>>"Get a life."
>>"Help! I'm trapped inside this machine!"
>>"All signs point to: no chance."
>>"Just give up."
>>"You're smart and handsome, just like your mom always says you are."
>>"If people flatter you they're probably lying."
>>"Beware of angry men carrying weapons."
>>"Consider this: no turkey ever voted for an early Christmas."
>>"Bully is as bully does."
>>"You're doomed. Sorry."
>>"Regular showers are a good thing."
>>"No one likes a whiner."
>>"Believe the best of everybody. It saves you so much trouble."
>>"By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach."
>>"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results."
>>"It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see."
>>"What exactly is your problem?"
>>"You're not all that."
>>"Consider the possibility that no one likes you."
>>"You might as well keep trying. It might make you feel better."
>>"If you don't try, you can't fail."
>>"Travel broadens the mind, if you have one to begin with."
>>"All signs point to: you suck."
>>"Surprisingly, you may succeed in the end."
>>"What you really need is some sort of medication"
>>"Peeing your own pants only keeps you warm for a short while."
>>"Bad advice causes mistakes, then laughter."
>>"You can definitely fool some of the people some of the time."
>>"If your house is burning you might as well try to stay warm."
>>"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes."
>>"You won't get anywhere if you think you're already there."
>>"It's a good time to stop waffling. Maybe."
>>"The weather pays no attention to criticism."
>>"If you expect nothing, you won't be disappointed."
>>"Whatever it is you're looking for, it'll be in the last place you look."
>>"When in charge, think. When in trouble, delegate. When in doubt, mumble."
>>"Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do it himself."
>>"Don't mistake a short memory for a clear conscience."
>>"Forgive your enemies - it really annoys them."
>>"If you're on time, people will think you have nothing important to do."
>>"Stand up to be seen. Speak up to be heard. Shut up to be appreciated."
>>"80% of people consider themselves above average."
>>"Keep trying."
>>"The greatest danger could be your own stupidity."
>>"Avoid taking unnecessary gambles. Lucky numbers: 12, 32, 28, 31, 44."
>>"You may attend a party where strange customs prevail."
>>"You are almost there."
>>"Soon you will have some new clothes."
>>"Don't trust fortune tellers."
>>"Just imagine you'll succeed."
>>"Everything is not yet lost."
>>"Tomorrow will be a nice day."
>>"You should go to bed early tonight."
>>"Today is the first day of the rest of your life, such as it is."
>>"Don't blow out another's candle to make yours shine brighter."
>>"There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over."
>>"Facts don't stop existing just because they're ignored."
>>"To err is human, to blame someone else even more so."
>>"If life gives you lemons, give life a raspberry."
>>"If life gives you lemons consider going into the citrus business."
>>"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."
>>"To know nothing is bad. To not wish to know anything, worse."
>>"A man's home is his castle, only less resistant to catapults."
>>"Big words prove nothing except that you have a big mouth."
>>"If you're a real jerk all the time, people might not notice you're useless."
>>"No plan survives contact with the enemy. Plan accordingly."
>>"If at first you don't succeed, consider giving up."
>>"Today, tell someone you love them. You might get lucky."
>>"It's only going to get worse."
>>"You will be involved in a fight soon."
>>"Don't bring your wife to a bun fight."
>>"Being rude is no substitute for being right."
>>"The reality is: the customer is not always right."
>>"If you don't succeed, you run the risk of failure."
>>"A bird in the hand is better than a bird on the roof, unless it has really sharp claws."
>>"Right now, somewhere out there, someone is making out with a girl."
>>"It's hard to prophecy, especially about the future."
>>"Do you know who your friends are?"
>>"Boxing is a gentleman's sport, but only if gentlemen play it."
>>"You're not paranoid - everyone really does hate you."
>>"They say they're your friends, but they laugh at you behind your back."
>>"You're not as dumb as you look. That would be impossible."
>>"In later life, you will find somewhere you fit in and belong. Jail."
>>"Have you considered getting plastic surgery? You should."
>>"One day you will be very famous, like many serial killers."
>>"Let's hope you will grow into your face."
>>"Your face is your fortune. You will live in poverty all your life."
>>"What you looking at bitch!"
>>"The pen is mightier than the sword, especially if properly sharpened and in the hands of a well trained Ninja."
