Bully-Board
Bully => Community Stories => Shadows Of Bullworth => Topic started by: Mohamed The Kowalski on July 11, 2013, 12:08:57 PM
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For Shadows Of Bullworth Discussion & Comments ONLY.
I'll start on the summary once the story itself begins to be written.
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Here's a Sticky to get things started.
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(http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/daniel-bryan-yes-yes-yes.gif)
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Like a BOSS!
We did it.
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I like this ! Tis’ GOOD !
Minor Points that should be edited.....
Head of a school is spelled ‘Principal’
Don’t refer to John as ‘student’ or ‘new student’ in the 4th & 5th paragraphs.
It’s confusing to the reader. Just call him ‘John’
Head of a school is still spelled ‘Principal’
{fix}
“trying to purposely block out [the Headmaster’s] patronizing voice boom[ing] over him”
Title all adults with ‘Mr.’ ‘Ms.’, ‘Miss’ ‘Dr.’ I know, it’s a bitch, but reads better.
{fix to this}
“JUST FUCK OFF, OUT OF OUR LIVES ! NOW GET THE FUCK OUT!! Liza Doesn’t Need You Anyways !!”
{fix to this}
“See You, Father”, were the last words Phillip spat out to his own Father before the man responded by driving off and leaving him there without saying a word.
{fix to this}
Wow, he never thought he’d end up going to such a hell hole of a school, but Hey, look where he was now !
Again, Head of a school is still spelled ‘Principal’
*On a closing note, it is never explained just why Phillip believes the school is corrupt, or anything about fighting, or why ‘his track record for violence can top all the other students who are at this school.' etc. at the school since he just got there. This should be explained at the start.
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^ Thanks, Chuck. 8)
Will fix this out, as stated in the PM.
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Heh...Don't make my mistakes when I started in on the NES.....There are a lot of posts I will have to wipe and insert the newly-edited versions to make the story read better in Chap. 1 & 2. (I've saved all the edited versions and the entire story to 2 different Flash Drives, just in case.) You learn as you go along, I reckon.
BTW --- I love that title !!
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Hehe
This is starting well!
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I was quite eager to get through the intros, so I slightly rushed it. Going to be working more on it and taking more precision before posting.
And thanks Chuck, those edits helped! :euro:
Especially the bit where Phillip jumps to the conclusion that the school is corrupted based on one little fight. Will build that up over the next few posts.
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That's much better !!
If you guys would like, I could edit minor things I find (like spelling, sentence structure, etc) if you like, as I read along the story.
Oh, and the story is sticky'd now for you all.
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That's much better !!
If you guys would like, I could edit minor things I find (like spelling, sentence structure, etc) if you like, as I read along the story.
Yeah, that'd be sweet, thanks! For now, I'll read through it a few times before posting, as I often get slack, especially if it's late at night as it is now. I tend to just skip over a few which is a huge mistake. Will read through em a few times just to make sure there's not too many typos/grammatical errors, i.e. "He droving off in his car." But yeah, sounds cool as wool. 8)
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It sure as Sheep Shearin' sounds like a good deal all around.
I sure hope this takes off for you guys....I felt so lonely here in the Stories Section, all by myself....
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This story is really great. Great work, Alex!
Good on you.
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I haven't read through it yet, but I will do so and offer critique when I have time.
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Ha! Those edits make the story 10x better! Thanks, Chuck!
EDIT:
Just made two minor edits to the 'Phillip,' post, one was a grammatical error which most would have missed. Spelled 'boy' as 'by' on accident. Just fixed that.
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^ Yeah, hell I missed that. Just added a few tiny things myself.
Now, is John and Phillip going to be rooming together ? That would make sense, as Dorm space is limited. They could even become friends, of a sort, help each other out ? Just a thought.
If you are planning a direction for upcoming events and are doing so by PM, let me know. I might even like to contribute a story post here and there.
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Now, is John and Phillip going to be rooming together ? That would make sense, as Dorm space is limited. They could even become friends, of a sort, help each other out ? Just a thought.
Heh, you read part of our plot plans for chapter 1 right there there. Yes, John and Phillip will be having major interactions with each other, especially in Chapter 1, they won't become 'friends'.... at first. (No, they won't be roomed together, but like I said, they will come across each others paths, directly and indirectly all throughout Chapter 1.) But I won't reveal anymore than that in this thread as I don't want to spoil the plot, so I'll send you a PM about the whole 'Chapter 1' plot if you wish, Phillip and John being main players in the first chapter.
If you are planning a direction for upcoming events and are doing so by PM, let me know. I might even like to contribute a story post here and there.
We've planned EVERYTHING, storyline wise, from beginning to end. Major events, although not as present in chapter 1, will be very present throughout the other chapters. And yes, we're organizing this largely through PM's on BB and chats on Xfire, (c00ld0c and I especially.) If you wish to know the plot details, I'll send you a PM, I suppose? And heh, that'd be awesome to have you make an occasional post here and there!
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I would be glad to contribute to the story with any of my specialties....I've found I have a bit of talent with 'Love Scenes' and such, Heh.
Since your main plot is already set, you won't need me for that, but for smaller undefined-as-yet side plots I could weigh in on.
My main focus is to finish the NES, and I'm still heavily involved in other things, but an occasional post would be cool. Just let me know !
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Yes, we do have a set out plot, but, the thing is, the plot will change very often and we could always use your opinions on such plots ideas, as we'd love your opinions. I'll be working more on the story and I'll give you some plot information soon.
And yeah, side-plots we haven't really gotten figured out. But I do have such ideas, especially after the 'end,' of the story, similar to what you've done with the NES. But yeah, I'll give you a shout out.
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This is amazing.
Im glad that Chuck is helping us out, this will now turn a lot better.
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Yes....But I want this to be YOUR Guys story. I don't want to interfere. It would be great to see another long FanFic here, and to keep the readers coming back.
There is like, 32,000+ hits on the NES so far (and mostly from outside viewers), but that will probably drop off after the story is done. Having another continuing story here will keep interest alive.
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I am rewriting the main story of my fanfic which is based on Bully once I finish the short side-story. Hopefully it can keep interest fresh in this section.
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The communiity stories is heading to a great path.
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A great path which awaits for 3 noobly Heros to rise to the top.
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Due to the fact that vacation is over and I'm back at school, I'm being loaded with homework and school work, and I'm going to be taken up by studying and all that bullshit. Because of this, the 'SOB' story will be worked on slower. When I DO get free-time, most likely on the weekend, I'll work on it.
Made a very minor update to the most recent post in the topic, just fixed an error, the 'he boy' bit into 'the boy.'
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This story is still being worked on. Just slowed down on the posts recently due to 'real life' factors. Also, writing meetings with Crabblesnitch is necessary if the student has a past 'record', which is kind of getting tiring. But, oh well, won't be another for awhile after I introduce another character that's coming up in the next post.
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Good thing.
I wanna start posting already :P
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After a long time, a new post. This time, I'm the writer of this post, with some edits from Evolution (Alex). This is the biggest thing I've ever participated in.
Also, you should know that there won't be any more posts for a week or so, because Alex has homework and will fail classes if he dedicates all his time for the SOB. :P
Hi, Alex
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I wanna start writing my posts already, damn you
ALEX!
LOL.
Btw great post, loved it!
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Impressive. Some-ones are getting better at this.
A lot fewer syntax errors this time. I would suggest a couple of fixes...
{He bloomed sarcastically, “We’re the most humiliated clique in this school.}
^^ You probably meant 'boomed' here.
This part as is is....
{Although he’s kind at heart, Cory is an amazing football player, which made him respected by the entire Jock clique and gave him a type of ‘reputation’, one which he’d have to uphold no matter what.}
As it should be.....
{Although he was kind at heart, Cory was an amazing football player, which made him respected by the entire Jock clique and gave him a type of ‘reputation’, one which he’d have to uphold no matter what.}
See the difference ?
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^ Ooops. :rolleyes:
Have a lot of ideas for this... Some that I've kept to myself, just need a way to insert it into the story is all.
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I'm fixing the errors.
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Btw how about we release the new characters list?
Would give some insight into the story.
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I was wondering that myself, it would be a good idea. And also possibly of listing 'Retired' characters, e.g. who has left Bullworth.
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Yeah, I was thinking of that.
So, Chuck, you think my writing skills are getting better?
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It's hard to judge since I didn't see your work before it was edited.
However, it's a good read. Which part was yours ?
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Oh, Information....I re-organized the section somewhat and re-titled a couple of things.
Send me a PM with all the new character additions and I will add them, as I locked the "Parameters" thread where they are to be located.
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It's hard to judge since I didn't see your work before it was edited.
However, it's a good read. Which part was yours ?
That's what I wanted to tell Alex. He edited a lot of it, but the main incidents in the post (Dylan beating George, George arguing with Melvin) are mine. Alex edited how these incidents are represented. It's really hard to explain, but I'll be writing more posts in the story, as there'll be my own character appearing.
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I wonder what people think about the story so far, even tho there isn't much of it posted.
Im also starting to write some posts soon.
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Ha, I rarely get comments on the NES anymore, so don't hold your breath on that one.
People read, but most never comment. I just judge by the number of hits the story is getting.
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which is big in comparison with the number of posts. (140 hits for 3 posts)
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I'm running at 33.5k hits for 935 posts, so figure that out.
I'm too lazy to get my calculator.
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Btw how about we release the new characters list?
Would give some insight into the story.
I don't want to release them just yet.
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Already to late...
Edit :
LOOOOOOL
Who ever fell for that?
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I love TNE stories, the authors must be really good at literature (while im not)
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This reads well so far, just wish there was more soon.
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There is more soon, I think we worked a bit faster then usuall lately, its just a matter of Alex finishing it.
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Glad to hear that, Le Ghost. There will be more coming soon.
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There's a post coming soon. Alex made it, but he's just waiting for me to edit some things in it, but don't expect that to happen fast as I've got other things to do other than editing posts. :P
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Then I will kill you :P
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Just made a small but important modification for the last post in the story. I added that Damon became the Jocks' leader after Ted's departure.
Also, I edited Alex's post, and sent it back to Alex. Alex is just doing some minor modifications in it, and then he'll post it.
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Nice post about Derek, the new character. I edited the last part about the Prep because the text kept flipping back and forth between 'Relating Events' and 'Present Tense', which becomes confusing to the reader, and I added just a wee bit more definition to the scene overall.
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Hehe, Derek is pretty much of a main/side character who will give insight onto a certain clique in the school.
But what I am really waiting for is when I finish my John post (my character) and finally Alex or Mo will edit it and then I'll post, I wanna do this a bit quicker then we usually post the others because I dont like the fact that there is like a new post every 2 weeks hehe.
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Actually, probably need to step it up just a bit. I'd suggest maybe shorter posts. That way there wouldn't be as much material to write and check over. (I can get away with longer ones cuz I'm good, and it don't take me 2 weeks till the next one....But then, I'm actually trying to finish the story, finally)......Maybe one scene per post, that's what I shoot for, anyway.
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Well, due for a slight change in the timeline, my post will propebly will be after 2 more posts which we haven't even start writing.
While my post is nearly half done, so its gonna take a bit more time.
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Another post posted, I did it with a lot of edits from Alex. Next post is Alex's, which he's starting to do already.
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^ Which I've already *done.
Now it's just a matter of getting to use my own PC, which I don't think I'll be able to due to the fact that I haven't gotten a Universal Plug Charger to use in England, and I most likely won't for the next three weeks... Which is when I go back to Australia.
(http://i.imgur.com/2r57ntd.gif)
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Other than that, Chuck is a totally RAD dude to be editing our posts... Hell, I just reread that post and it was a MILLION times better! Whether or not we notice it, these little edits GREATLY improve the quality of the story.
(http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Dwight-Schrute-Thank-You-Cry-On-THe-Office.gif)
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Awww man, Alex why cant u post it from your laptop or smth?!
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I would guess that the story is in a file in his own PC, and he lacks a Universal Plug Charger to power it.
http://www.kensington.com/kensington/us/us/p/1416/K33346US-CL/international-travel-plug-adapter-with-usb-charger.aspx (http://www.kensington.com/kensington/us/us/p/1416/K33346US-CL/international-travel-plug-adapter-with-usb-charger.aspx)
So I would also guess he is using an on-site computer (That is not his PC) in the country he is in presently (England), and is unable to access the file to copy & paste to BB at present.
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Awww man, Alex why cant u post it from your laptop or smth?!
(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf5wrx8rjz1qzi154o1_r1_500.gif)
Didn't I just fucking explain it in the post before?!?!?
And yes, Chuck pretty much summed it up.
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Guess what bitches?
GOT MY UNIVERSAL PLUG !!!!!
(http://www.thecoachellavalleyartscene.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/party-time.gif)
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Ah, good. {Why can't the world be on the same power grid ?}
Allrighty then....Made some 'power edits' to the last two posts.
You guys might think about adding some backstory for your new characters up the line.
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ALEX DO WHAT CHUCK SAYS NOWWWWWWW
Anyway, my post is next finally!
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Actually.... It's not.
(http://www.nihilismandcupcakes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/haters_gonna_hate.gif)
And Chuck... As for backstory.... There will be plenty of that down the line.... Plenty.
(http://www.sharkvsbear.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/gifs___177.gif)
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Oh, appereantly I though the last post was smth else, awwwwwwww
Alex ima kill you :P
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I'm excited for the future posts of SOB. Some of the more 'exciting' stuff is going to happen, soon. And it will open a door to interpenetration of some characters in the said posts.
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Very insightful post about Derby. Your style is vastly improving. Keep it going.
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{three weeks goes by} *snore*
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Yeah, well, I've been waiting Alex for 2 weeks to do the next post. Everyday, he tells us that he is working on the next post, but nothing's here yet.
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Everyday, he tells us that he is working on the next post
(http://cdn.meme.li/instances/300x300/37763535.jpg)
I actually never bullshitted anyone by saying that I was "working" on it, and don't forget the fact that I haven't even been on Xfire "everyday" ..... Which makes that statement kind of invalid. :ajajaxh5:
Anyways, did two posts. Took obvious inspirations from the Jock's conversation. lol
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Real nice so far! Is any of your characters going to the Church or the Asylum Mortuary?
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Actually, I do have something in mind for the Church, but that's a while away..... (A few chapters, at least....) As for the Asylum Mortuary, I don't know about the Mortuary, but one of the chapters will be set largely in Happy Volts so I wouldn't count it out.
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Things start to heat up!
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Jesus, it's been awhile since I've posted in SOB...... Should get to that soon. :ajajaxh5:
(I haven't been in contact with c00ld0c that much due to the fact that my old PC isn't useable at the moment, and Xfire was installed on that....) and we haven't really been in contact through PM's.
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Hohohoho, don't forget me, my friend. I'm one of the trio. Anyways, I'm finishing my exams on 23rd January, then I'll have a vacation. I can talk then.
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Well since SOB is being dead I'll try to make up time to finish up my upcoming post then send it to Alexo for fixes.
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Though I feel like writing, I also DON'T feel like writing....... It's, more or less, laziness to write on my half.
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I wish somebody would do something here. :(
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^ There we are, I did something..... Not really happy with the post, but something really needed to be done.
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Take it that first segment was a dream sequence ?
The post wasn't bad....Maybe a few minor alterations could be made.
But you can do that anytime, just modify what you don't like, or re-wrire in spots.
I do that myself after I post sometimes, mostly right then as I do a final read-through, but sometimes days or weeks later.
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^ It is indeed a dream sequence, it's metaphorical for particular....... Issues that Phillip faced / IS facing..... Those will be more explained in future posts.
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Yeah, figured so. Just keep posting.
I'm planning to cut down on my post's lengths on my story.....maybe down to 500 words or so. It takes so damn long to write these long segments, gets a bit frustrating at times. I think, after the revealing stages I'm currently in, and moving on to the negotiations with the Cliques, I'll shorten it out. Plan to intersperse with those personal character stories (Constantinos, Pinky, Tad, etc...) and those I won't cut down on, but otherwise I'd like to keep the last chapter down to around 60K words.
Problem was, when I really took a look at all I had to wrap up, it far exceeded my plan to end it after the Rescue, so I'm really forced to do a last chapter. Not that I really mind, but...Ehhh. Anyway, what I'm saying is, if it gets too much putting up the longer posts, just cut it back and break it into 2 or 3 smaller posts. Just a thought.
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Why ya guys write em so long anywho? I wanna get more views before I post all of the story well 1st chapter. But more importantly whats up with SoB?
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Why ya guys write em so long anywho?
Ummm.......... Why are all books / novels "so long" ??.......... :blank:
I wanna get more views before I post all of the story
Maybe you should try writing in proper & full sentences rather than just a few lazy ones. That's off-putting to readers.
But more importantly whats up with SoB?
Not much?........
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Why ya guys write em so long anywho?
Ummm.......... Why are all books / novels "so long" ??.......... :blank:
I wanna get more views before I post all of the story
Maybe you should try writing in proper & full sentences rather than just a few lazy ones. That's off-putting to readers.
But more importantly whats up with SoB?
Not much?........
Ahem- wasnt referring to books and novels, i was refrencing your posts. Excuse me, Y'ALLS' posts.
Ahem- My style of writing is my style of writing, don't like it don't read.
Not much- i can tell ya jumped head first i bet.
And how is my scentences small and non proper? Im open to constructive criticism.
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1. Yeah, but I was referencing books. I was using that as an example. But anyways, we're cutting down on the length of posts now.
2. Which is why I haven't continued reading your posts. Lol
3. Eh?
Though I'm not going to post a whole essay on constructive criticism yet, one of the main problems in your Fiction is your habit to kind of skim over things without adding much detail or emotion...... Anyhow, don't want to get this topic derailed........
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:cheersad:
Why ya guys write em so long anywho ? I wanna get more views before I post all of the story well 1st chapter.
My Story just passed 40K views. How many views do you want ?
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"Bullworth FM" ?
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My Bad, Alex....I posted in the wrong section. So, I removed it.
Since I;m here, any more new posts coming soon to SOB ?
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Nah, I just didn't know what the hell 'Bullworth FM' was until I noticed soon after, lol. Anyways, yes, there is. I'm in the process of editing it out now.
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Oh, good. I've been kind of lagging on writing because of RL things going on lately.
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^ I'm back at school and have been filled with work, mainly regarding VCE, however I've been doing alright so far and it's left a little bit of free time along with it.
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I'll get a little free time here and there this next month or two. Unfortunately, a busy time with what I have to do.
Spring never looked better.
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I'm in vacation now, so I'm free. I've written the next post, and Alex says it's perfect. He's just editing it now.
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Now this is not good. It's been a very long time since we've written in the story. For myself, I had 2 posts ready, but waiting editing from Alex whom I think will never edit them.
Alex, don't take what I'll say next as personal, but if you can't keep up with the story, I can take the lead instead of you. Yes, I know I'm not a very good writer, and yes, English isn't my first language, but I just can't see the story dying like this. What do you think?
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Post them and I'll edit them in his absence, Mo.
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Chuck its better if he doesn't post them and then you'll edit, its better if you'll edit them and then Mo will post them.
Btw, I have a half post ready for editing, Ima keep making it and finish it.
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Actually, what c00l says is better, but I still want approval from Alex, since he's still the leader, and he said he wanted to edit something, so I'll try to get him on xfire.
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So is this story going to continue?
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Yes, it will. I and c00l have been on a lot of talks on xfire discussing the incidents that will happen.
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We've had a few extra ideas for the story so were going to change some of the stuff we already did and the order of the posts.
So it'll take us a little more time then we originally planned.
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Uh, c00l, shouldn't I have posted this post?
I mean, I don't really care, but I just wanted Chuck to know that I'm the writer of the post so that he could say what he thinks of my writing.
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Didn't you say you'd be off bb because you a busy?
Aswell I couldn't find any signs if you on Xfire to contact you.
Chuck already knows that you wrote the post with some editing by me.
I actually locked the sob topic because you told me you won't be able to post for like a month or so.
Leaving the topic open for now will be useless if I am a mod in that section.
Making sure only I will post until you come back.
I'm really happy to see you btw, I thought you left for a month.
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C00l, I'm not angry at you btw. You did a real good job o the post and you deserve to post it yourself. You did as much work as me. As for leaving, yes, I disappeared for a while, because of things, but I come to take a fast look of about 10 minutes every 3 days or so on the board to see if there is anything new happening. As for xfire, yes, I haven't entered on it. No offense to anyone here, but I'm very busy and really don't have the time to talk with anyone for now. I'll be making a last return after 17 or 18 days, and then I'll leave again a month later till next July or August. Also, I'm not REALLY sure I'll be leaving wholly. I may come here every week for, like, 10 minutes or so, like I do now, but don't be so delighted as I'm not even sure if that'll happen or not.
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Well, writing an update here.
I have talked to c00l on xfire, and we have agreed that we should start writing in this story again when I return to BB net August, but the thing now is that it's been a long time since I actually read it. I need to reread what is already written and remember the plot myself. I actually had some roughs about some things in the story, so hopefully, it won't take much time.
So I promise you that I will complete in this project as I love it and want to be part of it, so just wait for me for another 2 months.
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Good Luck fellers.....
You may notice, I finally finished mine, after 5+ years and 800,000+ words.
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Yep, congratulations, Chuck!
It's been some time since I last read, the last part I read was at the beginning of Chapter 7, but I promise to start reading again when I have time. I really like the NES, and you did a great job in it.
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Good to hear man!