Bully-Board
Bully => Community Stories => Topic started by: BloodChuckZ on January 26, 2011, 08:29:00 PM
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Please post your questions or comments here regarding any of the stories and /or videos contained in this section. The intent is to keep questions or comments from cluttering up the story or video threads.
Thanks for your help !
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As you can see, we have about everything here....Stories, Videos, and even a Comic strip going.....Think I'll move Dave's story here as well....See if we can't get it going again.
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NOTE: I found this topic buried in the back. I gave it a sticky. Instead of making a bunch of comment and question based topics in relation to the stories, maybe we should use this more often.
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Wondered where this went.....
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Far away. Needs more use though.
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Got That Right.
I'm hoping NSP will continue his story here...I like what I'm reading.
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I think he just added something. Might want to take a peek some time.
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Already read & copied it.
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Need to wait I guess.
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Justin has a good start to a new one, called 'Will's Story'......Give it a look.
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He has a nice start on that story.
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Mike's new story, "To Live And Die In Liberty" is the best one yet. Be sure to give it a read !
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I've been reading mkrmelanie0's new story, and it is starting to get interesting. Keep posting !!
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I think her story was pretty cool, but I will admit I did not read it all. I actually feel like writing now. It will be a mini Bully 2 story, it will be around the same length of the Jensen story or even shorter.
Quite sad that the Stories section is not very active now, :(
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Actually, it seems to be picking up lately.
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I see that the stories in this section have kind of picked up lately. Please keep the questions/comments in this topic here.
This topic was made to prevent a bunch of question/comment based topics from filling the section and keep them compiled in one place. This topic has been given a sticky to keep it at the front of the section and help with finding it when needed.
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In the case that people make that mistake, I can just merge their topic with this. If they repeat it though, they are only warned once.
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BINKS---
That's a fine story beginning. You should amend your post to have the comments directed here for your story "Red Wine to Blue Collar" for the time being, as not to clutter up your thread with them.
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Hey Thanks Chuck :) I shall do
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I'll be keeping my eye on your story, Binky. :U
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YAY! Well you should be pleased to know I'm halfway through the next chunk for post ;)
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Another well-written segment.
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Thanks Chuck ;) I'm glad you like it considering I'm not a skilled writer
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Neither am I, really.
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Chuck is a skilled writer, realy.
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Come on, we all know that from a trillion pages of NES ;)
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goodbye
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^Because fanfiction.net sucks my balls
Nah I don't get along with it. I'm a layout whore
AND OMG sorry I haven't updated Red Wine To Blue Collar I've been doing things I will write a massive chunk as an apology OK And I've had no inspiration either
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fanfiction.net sucks now. It used to be good, though.
I seriously wish Delicious Poundcake would continue her stories.
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Ik. I hope she hasn't like died or something
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I realized I should have told the backstory to his parents before I wrote the story. But I won't go back and correct it now, there's no point.
I just updated a maaaaassive chunk of Red Wine to Blue Collar.
Again I apologize if it's not well written. I'm not a skilled writer and I did it for fun and creativety.
I shall try to update it every weekend
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goodbye
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Haaaaa.....I'm not gonna interrupt Chrissy's new story, so I'll post heeeeeere !
JUST MARVELOUS !!!! A TRUE AMERICAN CLASSIC !!!!!
Umm...Wait a minute...Lemme get my subscription money ready......
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^this
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I read it last night before I went to bed.
It was spectacular.
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Sigh I updated my RW2BC story and it sucks monkey balls :') I'm sorry I'll try to improve it. SIGH. Or I'll just delete it
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Nosh, don't do that.
EDIT:
I'm liking the story done by Binks and Jimmette so far, just wondering... Not to ruin the whole Binks and Jimmette story, but wouldn't it be cool if any BB member could 'Join' in on the story as themselves?.. Like, not right now so we don't ruin the parade or any of that, but maybe in Chapter 2 or W/E, just to spice the story up a little bit, and the stories section as a whole?.. Although, if you consider it would be fair enough for us to wait until Gary turns on Jimbo, so you guys still have time to build up the story, and all that.
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Whatever happened to this? :P
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I don't even know I ran out of ideas for this story, I'll try and write it tonight. But I'm making another story as well so.. :jajaja:
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I wonder who the third person is?... Anyways, seems interesting.
Just try not to make it as long as the NES.. :P
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^
Please.. :P It won't as good as the NES Chuck is too much of a talented writer no one on B-B can top his writing skills. :happy:
(Anyway let's carry on the conversation here: http://www.bully-board.com/index.php?topic=13411.0 (http://www.bully-board.com/index.php?topic=13411.0))
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Ya, maybe when a mod comes on the person can merge this whole convo into that section, so we don't get confused about where we're up to.
Anyways onto it.
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I'm liking the story done by Binks and Jimmette so far, just wondering... Not to ruin the whole Binks and Jimmette story, but wouldn't it be cool if any BB member could 'Join' in on the story as themselves?.. Like, not right now so we don't ruin the parade or any of that, but maybe in Chapter 2 or W/E, just to spice the story up a little bit, and the stories section as a whole?.. Although, if you consider it would be fair enough for us to wait until Gary turns on Jimbo, so you guys still have time to build up the story, and all that.
Maybe so, maybe so..I could do some appearance's of other B-B members. :P
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Okay, but here's the main question... Could the person who wants to join in, write/contribute to the story themselves?
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Yes they could if they wanted too, so Alex here's the main question do you want too join the story? :happy:
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(http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/423/untitle.JPG)
(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20286009.jpg)
So the answer is.............
(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/17709994.jpg)
:ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5: :ajajaxh5:
But like I said, the limit should be AT LEAST that we wait until you guys write up until about Chapter 2.
:ajajaxh5:
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Alrighty then Alex.
I'm gonna go write a whole chunk. :happy:
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Take your time, seriously. :ajajaxh5:
I honestly don't mind waiting.
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Alright but I'm really bored and I normally write like a boss in that time. :cool:
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My main insperation for writings stories was... Boredom. :P
Infact, I'm going to nicrobump an old story that a few people Chuck and I wrote.
Feel free to join in anytime... :cool:
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:laugh: Maybe I will.. :laugh:
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Although you don't know the story I'm talking about... You'll see once I post there. :P
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Piss donkey, You DO know the story I'm talking about...
My ninja skills failed...
:'(
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:laugh:
(http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21900402.jpg)
Well I'm going to go write some of the story later!
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Although, may you let me post the first reply to that, Ma'm?... :'(
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Post the first reply too my story or am I just being silly as always cause I'm confused now. :laugh:
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First reply to the story I am going to nicrobump :P
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:P
I going too write my story now laters! :D
I might write some of the story your going to nicrobump. :happy:
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^ Yay, it would be cool to at least have more than two regular writers :P
Anyways, please continue the Binks & Jimmette story, it is really good so far. :D
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I just revived Stevie's Adventures by continuing the story.
Feel free to check it out. O0
EDIT:
Just read the Cassandra story, it is really good, Jimmette. I look forward to more. :)
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^
Thank you Alex. :DD
Here is what she looks like without the Bullworth uniform on.
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Heh, she ain't too bad at all :D
I noticed in the story that a lot of it was awefully a lot like the original Bully :P
But I guess you did that on purpose, anyways, maybe she should get in a relationship with one of the characters?... Maybe a Townie or a Greaser Or Prep or something like that. Just don't turn her into Lola :P
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^
Yes that's what it's meant too be like but I going to change some of the parts along with way so don't worry. :P
I don't know about her relationship wise.. Maybe someone I'm not sure.. :D
Oh don't worry Cassie ain't gonna be no Lola.. :laugh:
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^ Just saying, it's going good. But Don't forget about the other stories, like Binks and Jimmette adventures! :P
Btw, plan on writing for Stevies adventures?... Like, you don't have to do it now obviously, just wondering. :cc_detective:
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I will don't worry. :P
I'll update the Binks and Jimmette adventures about twice a week or so. :)
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As mentioned in the Fanfic topic... Questions here :ajajaxh5:
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Ok....Overall, I am impressed with the first post. This has a good start.
Some critique.....
I was a bit troubled as to the switch (Peanut / No Peanut)....Perhaps there should be some sort of "Blurring" sensation inserted there.
I limped over to the Bathroom,
I quickly run as fast as I could down the hallway,
Both Johnny and Derby have been injured badly enough to be in a hospital. As a reader, I can accept his falling when getting out of bed, pulling himself back up, and limping to the bathroom....But I can't accept him running just a few minutes later.
Graffiti is on the door saying "DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, DEATH WILL COME FOR YOU" I look in fear... I hear groans, animal sounds, and I knew someone.. SOMETHING, was trying to get past this door. The door got pushed LOUDER, and I heard a thump... I didn't dare open it. I see a pale hand coming through the slight gap on this door... More and more hands.
Ok, the door is closed. So how is a 'pale hand coming through a slight gap' ? That needs better explanation.
He jumped in fear, and turned around... "JOHNNY, what's... WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?..." He said in a scared tone, "I don't know man, the undead... WE NEED TO LEAVE... The Fire escape... Let's go!" I yelled "I think you and I were in a bloody coma... Oh no... Mother and Father! What if they... what if-" "LISTEN, we need to leave... NOW... I've got a matchbox for some light... We need to go"
This is totally confusing as to who is speaking. It would read better like this....
He jumped in fear, and turned around... "JOHNNY, what's... WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?...", He said in a scared tone.
"I don't know man, the undead... WE NEED TO LEAVE... The Fire exit... Let's go !" I yelled.
"I think you and I were in a bloody coma... Oh no... Mother and Father! What if they... what if-", Derby sputtered.
"LISTEN, we need to leave... NOW...", I shouted. "I've got a matchbox for some light... We need to go !"
What I do after I've written something is to put myself in the role of the reader, pretending I hadn't wrote that and am just reading it for the first time. That way, if there's something that just doesn't make sense to me, or doesn't jibe, I can spot it. Remember others will be reading the story, and need to be able to imagine the sequence of events that you lay out. If they are illogical or out of order, that detracts from the tale you are trying to tell.
Like I said, overall this was very good. Just keep an eye on the details.
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Thanks, it's always great to get some feedback. As for peanut, yeah he was suppose to be a blurry figure, but I should of explained better... As for the door, it's kind of hard to explain.
Anyways, I'll pay close attention in my next post,
Thanks for the feedback!
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Believe it or not, I often edit story things before I post them....And sometimes after.
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I'll edit the Johnny/Derby convo to make it more readable, although I won't edit the other stuff... Just cuz.
Anyways... I am going to take that feedback into serious consideration for future reference, and I'll be sure to put myself in the role as the reader, and see if it makes sense for my future Fanfic posts.
I really appreciate it Chuck, it's always great to get feedback that can improve your writing ability, especially from good ol' Uncle Chuck!
I'm gonna' have fun writing as Gary >:D
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Believe it or not, I often edit story things before I post them....And sometimes after.
I think that's something we all do, because there's always something wrong in what we write.
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Oh, I will also be referring to 'Peanut' as 'Larry' in the Fanfic, as this story is suppose to be a little bit serious, calling him 'Larry' (His real name) wouldn't sound as silly as calling him 'Peanut' (His nickname)
Just puttin' that out there before anyone asks ;)
CHUCK. CRITICISM. I NEED IT. NAOW. oh, and i purposely didn't include TOO much action, leaving that for the future posts.
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I don't criticize. I just critique.
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^ Psh, whatever you wanna' call it, I appreciate it either way 8)
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Hey Chuck, just a question... Would it be alright to, "Import" some of the NES Characters into my Fanfic?... (More specifically, Tony) And here's a little 'Sneak-Peak' I plan on making Tony an antagonist who makes a large impact on the story (Although Tony (Or someone else) will be making his appearance later in the Fanfic.)
If no, that would be fine... I was just wondering if you would be okay with it, though.
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It don't bother me any. Hell, I 'stole' some characters myself.
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Heh, alrighty then... Tony will be making major appearances in the future, Karen will be included... But err... In a 'Different' way >:D
Anyways, thanks Chuck... Tony is going to be one cold hearted sunva bitch.
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Makin' him a Zombie ? Karen too ?
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Eh ?... No, Tony ain't going to be no zombie.
Karen on the other hand.... >:D
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Now, that's just evil, man. Pure Evil.
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Karen will still be making minor appearances, throughout my future posts... (You can try and guess how) Tony will be the main "Human Antagonist" against Johnny and his band of survivors.
(But you'll all have to wait awhile before Tony even comes into this Fanfic, it's a awhile before it will happen anyhow)
I don't plan on killing Tony off anytime soon when I introduce him, though. Tony will be a bad-ass, cold blooded, asshole :D
It will be interesting though, as I will write in other people's POV'S (Including Tony) The 'Bad Guy'
ANYWAYS, NEXT POST= GARY TIME.
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Alex's last posts on Brice's fight were Hardcore.
I like dat.
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I like 'dat shit, mahn, i like dat...
- Tyrone 'Thug Nasty' Biggums
Anyways, if you liked that post, you're sure going to enjoy a future 'fight' I'm going to include, soon. (1-2 Posts away) Heh, it's going to be action packed alright, like a god damn 'Die Hard' Fighting scene.
I just got inspired to do a Preppy story, I never did one (Besides that horrible 'Jensen' story I did awhile back when I was a total nob at writing) Anyways... Stay tuned. More to come :'D
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Annnnd.....I hate Derby with a passion, as I do with most real-life rich pricks.
The scene I had the most fun writing out of all of it was Kurt beating the shit out of Derby and pissing on his face.
Course Kurt was an ass, too. He got his just deserts, though.
And just because Derby fled the country don't mean he's gotten away.
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^ Heh, I'm actually a big fan of Kurt, I always thought Tony could be a douche-prick to Kurt for no reason, thank god almighty that, that writer... What's his name?... 'Dudeman' or whatever, kept trying to get Kurt involved in the story every way he could, eh?
Anyways, I'm going to keep up the tradition of hating Derby with a passion in my Fanfic... Or will I?... :cc_detective:
I'm actually enjoying writing this... I also may start the Zombie one again.. But eh, I have to be in the 'Mood' to write entries for the Zombie one.
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Yes, one does have to be in the 'Mood' to write. That's why I can't see how some writers can just crank stuff out, day after day. I'd like, need a break now and then (like a week) between times. What's really bitchy is writing 'transition' scenes, with little or no action. They're necessary though, to tie things together and give the reader story continuity, but it's still a real drag sometimes.
Yeah, Dudeman kept trying to push Kurt to the forefront and make the story about him, when the original intent was to have Tony as the main character. He was making things too wild and didn't know shit about writing. I wound up deleting a lot of his stuff. Mercury and I never intended to have another Clique in the story at all, but were able to make it work out. Still, I think the story would have been better off without it. I finally came up with the idea to make Kurt a sort of anti-hero and came up with the backstory, and the rest of the Rockers too. But, I got rid of them in the end, dumped them off in New Jersey, where the Queen can go see them in concert. And Kurt is where he belongs, in a mental hospital. A fitting end, if'n I do say so.
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What's really bitchy is writing 'transition' scenes, with little or no action. They're necessary though, to tie things together and give the reader story continuity, but it's still a real drag sometimes.
Got that right, my most recent post in the Fanfic wasn't full of much action... There will occasionally be some of the 'Boring' moments, as it's needed, but the Fanfic will sure get Action Pumped very soon.
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Poor Brice. What a load to have to carry. Is there no hope ?
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Just posted some of teh action packed shit to spice it up a 'lil bit.
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Why do I get the feeling that Bryce is gettin' set up, big time ?
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Perhaps he is, but you'll have to wait and find out ;)
I'm having fun writing this, I might get Leon to have quite a large presence in the game, and the Townies are sure going to get some spotlight eventually.
Just playing out some future plot lines for the Fanfic.
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Yeeeeaah....Dem Townies are troublemakers, all right. I'm not done with them yet.
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And now, the destruction in the story shall begin.
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I like the Bryce story so far. Maybe you should take and have the Townies catch him and take him to the Asylum, where they can torture him.
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Naw, that's a dumb idea, why would they want to do that when.....
No, wait. That's a great idea.....
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It's a great idea, despite the fact that that Bryce is working with a Townie, and they are running away from Greasers.
But, err.... Yeah.... Quite creative, though... I guess?... I'm glad to have another reader though :P
Anyways, just going to write up a fight scene and get shit done.
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Maybe drag 'em back to Blue Balls then ?
But seriously, just how much injuries can Bryce take before they kill him ?
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Turn Bryce into a Zombie.
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Heh, I already have a Fanfic for Zombies, don't need to be including that shit in this Fanfic :P
I had fun writing the fighting scene.
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Just read the last part.........Couple 'O comments....
There's no 'floor' by the bridge.
And, the area is 'run down', not 'runned down'.
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I meant the house, but you could say the area is run down as well, edited that one.
Also edited the slight hiccup where I put the 'Floor' bit.
Thanks.
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LOL, I see that a lot, calling the ground 'floor' and vice versa. One thing I keep in mind is if it's outside, usually the Ground, inside, usually the floor.
The term 'Deck' will usually work in either case. If the structure is like, ON a bridge, you can add the modifier 'Floor of the Bridge', but again, 'Deck' will work just a well there if not better.
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LOL, I see that a lot, calling the ground 'floor' and vice versa. One thing I keep in mind is if it's outside, usually the Ground, inside, usually the floor.
Yeah, I know :P it was just a careless mistake, basically. :euro: (I'll watch out for careless mistakes like that in the future)
And, is it just me, or is Community Stories pretty dead?... I mean, besides the NES... And... The silly Fanfic I'm working on now :P
Although, at least there is some activity, usually it's just the NES that is active.
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Naw, it's not you....It is near death. But by doing these stories, you're keeping it on life support.
If I wasn't so involved in doing the NES, I could do some short stories as well, like "The Discouraged Testicle", which I wrote last summer. Once I'm done with NES, I want to do that, especially finish "A Fine Kettle Of Fish", which I started a couple years ago (about Sponge Bob coming to Bullworth).
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HAHAHA!!! I cracked up at the little mini-story you just did... It was, to say, pretty cool. Hehehe, you plannin' on making it a mini-story or is this just a one time thing ?
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Naw, it's just a short, short story that came to mind.
But, you know......What if ?
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Interesting the direction the Bryce story is taking. The promise of more to come (the 'hook') is a well-used and effective ploy.
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Yep, that was the plan. I also have got a played out ending for the story, but I'm thinking of some storylines as for now, I have a few things in mind to keep the story rolling.
Anyways, I'm reading the 14 Hour War Fanfiction.... It's quite different, indeed.
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I've got big plans for my Zombie Fanfic, but I think I think I'll be changing some minor things around... As for one, I most likely won't have it set in Bullworth for that much longer... I mean, maybe for a a few more posts, but that idea is going to be abandoned soon enough.
Tony is still in my mind, though. Got some ideas for him, Heh. And Gary as well, got some plans for him... Oh yeah >:D
My most recent post in the Zombie Fanfic wasn't the best outta' the bunch of others, but I wanted to get it over and done with, Gary may be in future posts... Alexo most likely won't, I just put him in there for extra action and don't plan on keeping him, as I never intended to have Gary breaking out with someone else in the first place.
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Oh, Great. So you killed yourself. Way to go, Alexo !!!
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Eh, I don't fancy having myself as a main character in MY own Fanfic... Who knows, though?... Afterall, there's a chance that he's alive. As it said,
Perhaps even dead.
Anyways, yeah, the Fanfic isn't going to be set in Bullworth for that much longer... But, the future posts, I'm going to try and make REAL good, as best as they can be.
Waddya' think of it so far?... Oh, and be blunt please :P
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Actually.....I like it cuz I'm still reading it. (uninteresting stories I usually quit reading after the first thousand words or so). So, that's a plus+
No need to put "So and So's Point of View" in there. Simply switch to the other character after a break....or, you can insert.....
---------------------------------------------------------
.....as a buffer when changing scenes and/or characters. You might notice I use this......
_____________________________________________
.....at the end of my posts, generally to mark a break in the action, or switching of characters or locations in the next post.
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That said above, I really hate it when writers switch to a 'First Person' view in their stories when they had been writing the story as from a third-person standpoint. You notice I don't ever do that. It's too confusing to the reader.
Not saying that first person stories are bad, but if one starts with that format (the telling of the story entirely from that person's POV, where they use phrases like "I heard" or 'I saw") then the story should continue that way, and not switch back and forth into an observational, or third person role.
For example, my little short short story, 'Character Revenge' was done from 1st person POV entirely, though that's not my favorite way to write stories.
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Yeah, I do in fact notice that you had used the "++++++++++++++++" or "-----------" bit a lot when switching from the characters POV or whatever, which is a good tactic in story writing, I may use that in the future when it's needed.
As for the First Person & Third Person Topic, I planned on doing it mainly first person... But I've come to know that I prefer 3rd Person writing over 1st Person which I've so far stuck to in the Fanfic, as it can reveal a lot more and get the reader to get a better understanding of the story and the character itself.
And Thanks Uncle Chuck! I'm glad that you like the story, it usually inspires the writer to continue when there's someone reading it.
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I keep tabs on my readership by checking the 'Viewed xxxx Times'.....It lets me know some are still checking in on it. Right now, it's well over 27K and heading to 28K. Most, I think, are "Guests" or other outside readers, since there are only a few here I know are keeping up with it.
Since I'm in the middle of the juicy character 'sex' parts right now, I expect that will go WAY up.
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Most likely, I was surprised at all the sex scenes, but I guess it won't come as a surprise in the future.
Anyhow, Tony is still in my mind... You'll be surprised at how 'Evil' he'll be, heh heh heh. And, as for Bryce... I have plans to make him a slight loner, even make him slightly obsessed and even, 'Sociopathic' to get revenge on Derby, but not just on him... His family and friends, do 'Immoral' things in the name of revenge... Perhaps 'Warp' his mind a little bit.
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I must say....The last post in the Bryce story is the most insightful piece I've ever seen you put up. Really good character examination. That what draws the reader's attention and makes the character more real. Good Job.
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Thanks, it really does mean a lot coming from an author like yourself, I appreciate it. :)
Expect more of the 'Insightful' posts in the future... More of that coming, and soon enough, more action will come... Whole lotta' action.
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It's the interior glimpses, the motivations, the fears, the psychosis, that draws me. Things like that give the character....Well, Character, Identity, Feeling. The reader begins to relate to, and come to care about the character, and what happens to them.
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Believe it or not, you may care about what happens to Derby... And need I say... Perhaps even start rooting/ feeling sorry for Derby.
You'll come to know what I'm talking about in the future, though... As it's too early to say now.
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Heh, I doubt it.....Even when I had Kurt beat the holy shit outta Derby and piss in his face, I still hated the Prep SOB.
He turned into a real evil bastard. Not entirely my doing, it was almost like I felt....Compelled.....To write him him that way. Strange, no ?
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Let's just say... Perhaps Bryce may go to further extents, if I decide to go with that option >:D
Anyhow... I'm suffering from Writer's Block... Damn Writer's Block! It'll leave once I get in the 'Zone' though.
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For some weird reason, I've kinda always had an affinity for Bryce. He's like the least threatening Prep to my mind. Geese, shoot the guy when he's whacking on that bag over at the Gym, and nothing bothers the guy, he just goes on whacking that bag.
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One of the main reasons I chose Bryce, was because he is in fact one of my favourite preps... And, his father is on the verge of debt, as mentioned in the game, which plays a pretty big role in the Fanfic I'm working on.
And yes, he is the 'Least Threatening' Prep... For now, at least... You may be able to 'Connect' (Affinity as you put it) with him even more later on in the Fanfic.
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I've always wanted to plan a role for Bryce in the NES. Near the end, think I'm gonna do something nice for him.
As for that dick Derby, he's gonna be toast.
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It'd be nice to see him get a larger role in the NES, I guess. Pretty cool, if he did.
I'm just sitting here, writing up the 'Action' sequences, I'm itching to get it posted, but I have to go through the 'Transitonal' scenes first... Darn it! :P
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Yeah, that's a real pain in the ass. I'm in transitional stuff myself, and can hardly wait to get to the night of the Independence Day Fireworks, where the big shocker is due to happen.
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I was originally going to post the Action Sequence by tonight, but I decided not to... I want to give some more character development to Malik, Leon, and Levi... And after that, the big shocker is due to happen :P
Might add some needed comedy to the Fanfic as well, don't want it ALL to be sociopaths and fighting, need some humor in it. That's where Malik and Levi will come in :euro:
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HAHAHA!
I read 'Fine Kettle Of Fish' and it was a real laugh riot... Damn, pretty damn good as well.
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I may pick that back up again, once I finish the NES. Had to do a whole lotta research on different types of fish for that one.
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Reading the 'Dead Fanfic'.....Couple of points....
".....But it wasn’t himself that he feared the safety for, it was his friends, and his beloved girlfriend, Amy and to a slightly lesser extent, Pedro, his girlfriends sister." <----Should be Brother (?)
And, the CDC (Center for Disease Control) is based in Atlanta, Georgia....You should make the one In Massachusetts like a branch center or something.
But, a good read. A few minor sentence structure issues, but nothing terrible.
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Oops, completely missed the 'Sister' fuck up, thanks for pointing that out. (Edited it.)
And yes... I do know CDC is in Atlanta, but as Bullworth is in the New England Area I had to put it somewhere close by, even if that means putting CDC in Mass... Perhaps I'll edit it and change it to something else (A branch off as you suggested) I'm always in need of getting pointers and critique, and for that, I thank you :euro:
Btw, I'm glad you like it (Or still reading it) that is pretty cool and I appeciate it :cool:
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I see that Pete fellow is really getting into it with his '14 Hour War' fanfic.
Nice. Good to see others posting stories here.
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Well, allow me to comment on the story Pete is working on, The '14 Hour War' Fanfic. (Note- I shouldn't go around giving critque
as that's Chuck's job but here are my thoughts on it)
First off... Let me say, I think you're a good writer, and you most likely have (And should) write in detail and in a proper manner, for example don't go *Omar shoots Peanut in the head, he jumps to China and dies when a fat man sits on him* try and write it in full, and proper sentences. (As I said, I think you're a good writer, but you could do a whole lot more if you tried harder to do so... Don't try and rush it, give thoughts to the plot, especially for any future stories you may (And should) work on)
And... As for the story itself... The writing is good at points (And, as said before, can be much better if you put more effort into it) but the plot for it is.... Just plain odd and basically the story gets even more confusing each and every post... Causing a war because of a cannibal and all that stuff that happened afterwards?... Kind of laughable for a story that's suppose to be serious.
But, I do look forward to more FUTURE stories and hopefully it is done in a proper manner. Once again, don't take this the wrong way. But that was my 2 cents on it and I hope I didn't seem like a prick :blank:
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A lot of FanFic is written like that, I've seen some. Just a different style. Not my style, but a style nevertheless. I basically look at the story elements.
But, I don't know him, or just how proficient he would be at 'regular' writing. He may be just starting out. But to give him credit, at least he actually finished off the story instead of leaving it hang.
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Agreed :ajajaxh5:
That particular Fanfic wasn't my cup of tea, but I do believe that the Pete fellow should continue posting Fanfics here and perhaps write 'Normally', as I saw some good bits in the Fanfic he was working on, but I think he could do a whole lot more if he actually wrote properly instead of the lame *Jesus helps everyone on earth, but than he dies a few years later for our sins*
I kinda' dislike it when, for example a big action sequence or something 'Big' is coming up and the author writes it like it was done in 2 seconds. Example: *Alex flies to Georgia and shoots Chuck in the head, police catch him after a few years of looking and kill him* (Note, that wasn't a shot on Pete, I'm talking generally)
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Yeah, Ha....I used to really hate it (still do) when someone wrote "Jimmy ran to the store", like from the school, and in 2 seconds he's there. I mean just how much running can a guy do, anyway ?
I just put up a post that was trying to explain the topography that's going to lead to the key element in Chapter 7......Kinda been aiming at it ever since the idea came to me several months ago. Up until now, really haven't done much in the chapter (since most all the villains are gone)....Except make sure some people were screwing, that is. But it's building to a key happening, so all the buildup is necessary.
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Although it can be a real pain in the dickhole, it's very necessary to give the reader more insight and much more needed when something important takes place there... Transitional scenes are also very much necessary to build on character development, and not just that... It's just... NEEDED for a normal story to work out, every single story needs transitional scenes, and people may not see it, but it gives the story more bacon and cheese overall. O0
Reasoning for the lack of posts in Bryce's Fanfic is because I'm putting that on halt for a few weeks or so, I may get into the 'Dead' Fanfic more and update it more often, but I'm just relaxing with it and playing out ideas for both of them for now. I really enjoy writing to think of it, should do it more often, and I absolutely love reading other Bully Fanfics...
But now that I've noticed, Fanfiction.net is quite boring now, most of the users that are active on the 'Bully' section of Fanfiction are all just a bunch of fan-girls who only read Slash Fictions. (A.K.A. Homosexual love stories) <--- Nothing is wrong with it, but it gets boring after awhile and a lot of good stories are underrated while the human Fanfics are adored by all the Fan-Girls.
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Ugh, I'd hate that. Really just isn't my thing. A little of that is worked into the NES, but that wasn't my idea, and I'm not comfortable writing about it.
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Most recent post in the Fanfic was kind of rushed, but I made it as best I could... Also added some humour in there. (Occasional Humour will be present throughout the story)
I'm also going to steal a note of your book and start using the....
"__________________________" in the story now, when it's needed.
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Wow. I put the word "Snigger" in my most recent Fanfic and it censored it as it has the word "Nigger" in it. Therefore making it appear as "Snigger."
That's inconvenient, lol. But at least there's a way to bypass it.
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So, you're back to write ?
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Kind of.... I'm writing up future pieces for the Bryce Fanfic, it'll just be awhile before I get it posted. And the mini comedy fanfic is just for the laughs.
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But now that I've noticed, Fanfiction.net is quite boring now, most of the users that are active on the 'Bully' section of Fanfiction are all just a bunch of fan-girls who only read Slash Fictions. (A.K.A. Homosexual love stories) <--- Nothing is wrong with it, but it gets boring after awhile and a lot of good stories are underrated while the human Fanfics are adored by all the Fan-Girls.
I'm a bit late, I know, but I just wanted to say I completely agree.
I don't mind reading slash but so many of the stories posted on FF.net have awful writing and the characters are so OOC it makes my eyes bleed. The sheer amount of Gary/Pete fics make me gag, too. D: I really can't stand all the fangirls/boys who eat that shit up.
Awful writing doesn't just apply to the Bully section and slash fics. I know there's got to be a hidden gem somewhere, but god damn I'm not gonna look for it. I've pretty much abandoned that site due to all the bad writing. :laugh:
Anyway, I don't. Read the things that are posted here. Maybe I should. But I don't feel like it.
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Well.... Recently I lost a few files on the Bryce Fanfic among others when a certain dickhole fucked things up. (I was pissed to say the least) but it may be a blessing in disguise when it comes to the Fanics, as some of them could of used much cleaning up as it was a little rusty.
I also have a load of ideas for some FanFics, one of which, I'll start working on very soon... Although I'm not certain on who the protagonist should be, I may be going for good ol' Const.
Anyhoo, I'm still waiting for Rlf's Fanfic :P
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Lost ? Who screwed what up ?
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Bah.... I was in the middle of writing a few entries for FanFics, and someone turned off my computer while I was doing so for a stupid reason, therefore causing me to lose multiple files. Which, therefore, pissed me right off.
It's not a huge deal though, I can start it from scratch and make it better than it was originally.
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Alright, I've got a steady plan for my Constantinos FanFiction, and I'm already working on it. (I have a feeling it may be the best piece of FanFiction I've done so far).... And, it will be set in the same Universe as the NES, but it'll be Post-NES. (After everything is done and dusted) Tony will be a major thing in this as well, but I may get rid of a few people, like Nick or something... But.... It looks real great right now... Getting a hard one just thinking about it 8) (Jokes)
But yeah, I have BIG plans for this, and I think I'll be putting the Bryce FanFiction at the back of the line for now.
You alright with this?... I didn't plan on having Tony originally, but he fits real well in this FanFiction and all the stuff that will happen in it.
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NES Spoiler - Nick may leave at the end of the summer anyway.
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Okay... But be aware, this FanFiction won't necessarily be in accordance with what is happening in the NES at the moment. (I'm twisting things around and such so it fits my FanFiction) I'll keep references to past posts in the NES, but the things that are happening in it now is not important when it comes to my FanFiction. (If you get what I mean....)
But yeah, I'm excited to be working on this and I have a really good plot set out. (At least it's 'Good' in my mind)....
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I'll provide you with a list of characters that will be leaving by the end of the summer (which will be the termination of the NES).....Not saying they couldn't be brought back later, for whatever reason, but should be a plausible reason. Several characters were axed at the story's start, which everyone honored. In the case of Edgar and Gary (who were killed), a suitable backstory was written to cover that. I think I eventually brought everyone else back (except Ernest Jones, and I may still do that) that was still "Living". My regrets were that the story didn't start with all the characters in place, since it constrained some of the potential storylines.
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Nice in-depth on good ole punching bag Constantinos there.
That boy DOES have problems, don't he ?
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Indeed he does, but so does everyone.
Man, I'm looking forward to more work on this FanFic.
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I figure most all Bullworth kids (and adults) have severe mental issues. It's a Gold Mine.
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Got that right.
But hey, even though Tony is being imported into the Fic doesn't necessarily mean everything that's happening in the NES will be appearing in my FanFiction... For example, you may have killed Edgar in actual NES, but in my FanFic he could still be alive and well. (Just informing you now before you notice something and think 'Hey! That never happened in the NES! Why's that there?') You could think of it as an Alternate NES Universe or something.
Although, a lot of things from the NES will still be prevalent in mine.
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^ You know.... I may just scrap the whole 'Tony' thing.... I mean.... I may have to clear some things out as not everything that happened in the NES is prevalent with my Fic.... I may just put it as an 'Authors Note' for it to make sense.
And, c00ld0c.... I read your topic, it looks like it has a load of potential if done right. And I'm really happy that I was actually responsible for inspiring someone considering I'm usually the one being inspired by other people's work. I'd be glad to help you with it, just drop me a PM or something and I'll explain further.
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Nice, Red. :) will be keeping up with this story.
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Red !! Didn't know you could write ! This is spellbinding. ;D
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Awesome, Red. I'll be keeping up with this one for sure.
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I jut checked A Tale O Two Headboys, and OMG, I was such a bad writer.
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^ Heh, I feel you bro. Just look at my old work, horrible. It was just purely horrible. I cringe when I look back onto it. And honestly, I still am not a good writer today by any means. I seriously need to improve.
We all evolve eventually, though.
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Yeah, we all need to be better, and we are getting better thanks to Chuck.
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NO, I'M GETTING BETTER THANKS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN. >:(
Haha, no, but actually, Chuck has played a role in my writing skills. I often take his advice and it's one of the reasons that I managed to improve slightly. There is always room for improvement, no matter what.
Anyways, I'll still be keeping up with Red's work. The only time I really got to see his writing skills was in that old 'Steve's Adventures' thing awhile back. I'm glad I'll be exposed to more of it. :euro:
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Yeah, it was a surprise to me also that Red could write so good. Keep up the good work, Red!
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Thank you guys, it means a lot to me.
Don't hesitate at all to critique if you feel some parts are off.
On another note, I made a minor edit (replaced "interested" with "intrigued").
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^ I likes them cutesy little pictures you put in there also....Gonna do that for every character ?
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Oh, and Alex....What can I say ? Just read the 3rd post. Just Masterful. I absolutely love the Jonathan Attitude. That dude's mah new best friend.
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^ I likes them cutesy little pictures you put in there also....Gonna do that for every character ?
Gonna do that for recurring characters, or characters with relatively important roles.
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@Red: Nicely written so far m8!
I may do the same and post the first chapter of my story that I am writing.......and see what the general comments about it will be to see the level of interest in it.
Reddit: Post was originally in the fanfic I posted. Merged it with this thread.
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goodbye
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Hehehe, Wade Martin's stories are getting more talked about than the stories that truly deserve to be more spoken about. (NES.... For example.)
Anyways, I do agree. Although his stories are quite often short, I always feel as if there's a big moral structure and that his stories represent something bigger than us all. I feel like... I have a connection.... with his FanFictions.
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See Dick Run.
See Jane Run.
Dick is Chasing Jane.
Dick Catches Jane.
Jane Kicks Dick in Nuts.
See Dick Fall Down Hill.
See Jane Laugh Hard.
Like Tiny Short Stories ? Here is the ultimate in Laziness.
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From what I can see from this story... I can only understand one thing. 'Jane' is a total bitch for kicking a man in his nards. What did his balls ever do to her?
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goodbye
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OK FELLOWS.....Is Shadows of Bullworth gonna get posted on ?
People been askin'.
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This story is still being worked on. Just slowed down on the posts recently due to 'real life' factors.
There will be a post coming. Soon enough. This ain't dead yet, I tell you!
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Annnnd...How long does that take ? Been like a month now. Even I'm not that slow.
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Eh.... Lack of inspiration + Work? Not a good combo. Thankfully, I'm not as loaded with school-work at the moment so I actually have time to think and do the things I want to, (including writing.) May get a post done within three days or so.
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I hope so, for you fans await !!
Once you create characters, they have a life of their own.
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It's near, Chuck. I've made a post but Alex took it to fix some grammatical errors in it, and then we'll post it.
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1 mad3 th3 charact3rs!!!
Well actully
Ive made some new characters for each clique, and well yeah...
Alex has been adding stuff and changing to make them a bit more intresting and involved in the story.
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*WE'VE
Made characters. ;)
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I have a pretty dumb question. Where is the Const Brakus story?
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It's on page 2.
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I don't know about the rest of you....But I'm really enjoying the Changes Series, with Kaven & Rose. RDD is really good with this sort of thing, and it's a fresh new idea for a story.
Comics made up a great part of my young life....Only wish something like this had come along then.
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"In The Mind Of Juri"
http://www.bully-board.com/index.php?topic=20584.0 (http://www.bully-board.com/index.php?topic=20584.0)
This is a fuckin. GAS. Who knew Swegta could do more than make riveting Videos ?
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Bullworth FM is a new story with a great start. Looks really interesting.
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Bullworth FM has a good start but the "Some kid sprayed bullworthless on town hall" thing came out of no where.
Even tho he said it was on the news, he bounced to something else and then said that and it kind of came out irellevent.
After that, its nearly perfect.
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I think that was inserted as a 'marker', to give the reader an approximate time of the story, as we all know at what point that took place.
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New Posts of Bullworth FM are up and ready to read.
Be the first in your neighborhood to read this story !
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Heh, seems like a Mafia story but with kids in high school. Seems interesting, I'll be sure to continue reading. :euro:
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RULE is actually based on a piece of a dream I had and remembered. Some of it is actually true....I did have a friend in 8th grade named Dallas who was indeed killed just a I described, although that didn't happen until he grew up. All the names (except mine) were the actual first names of my classmates. And I DID run the School Newspaper in the 7th & 8th grade. I also had a racket going selling swiped passes, but not until later, in High School. Never got to Pimp the Girls, just wishful dreaming on my part, I suppose.
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A new short story writer has come to Bullworth Town, the Naked Sphinx.
He's just starting, so forgive him for his over-lengthy paragraphs.
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Naked
:neen:
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The Great Bullworth Story is turning interesting, and it's only 2 posts old.
No Booze at the Yum Yum ? What the Valley needs is a Liquor Store.
Poor Ivan, but he will have his revenge.
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Oh yes he will, I just need to think of how I can do this, but it's gonna involve teeth getting kicked in and nuts getting stomped on.
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I must comment, it is getting better as it goes along.
The readability is far better also. Keep it going.
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I'll do another post for it today, I need to think of how Troy's gonna get back at Ivan. AND I FUCKING FORGOT TO PUT GURNEY IN GOD DAMNIT AKLFJADLFJSDFJASDJSKLGJSFJGKSF FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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I got an idea for a long story after I'm done with the Great Bullworth Story. I'll combine all of my whacky experiences I can recall from Bully, make it acceptable for a story, and I shall create
THE BIBLE OF JIMMY HOPKINS
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That sounds real Interesting. Good catchy title.
(And, you can always edit Gurney in, that's the Author's privilege).
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I know, but I got an idea for him, and Trent who I also forgot
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I need to think how I'm gonna play Sid out considering all we know is that he's a midget. hmm...
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Midgets can be very powerful, especially if they are real smart.
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I know that, but I like to put myself in the characters point of view, but I can't exactly do that with Sid. Too bad you didn't keep Sid as a midget in the NES.
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Sid was a deleted Punk character, never a midget to my knowledge.
Are you constructing a Mystery here ? That's what I like to read.
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The only thing that exists of Sid really is the beta model on Tylers Art. He's a midget with a flathawk and suspenders. I'm trying to think of how I'm gonna go with this. It's gonna be a mystery with the Crabblesnitch family and how Gurney and Trent tie into this.
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Forgot to mention, but I'm making at least one new character for each clique. Wayne was my character I was using for my first story which I never posted and never will. I'll still use that scrapped story in my current story later on. It'll play out well.
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I've found it's difficult to focus on too many characters, their feelings, their activities, their interactions, etc....Aside from maybe 5 main characters, I think about 20 secondary characters should be about the upper limit to closely follow, the rest could be mentioned and just lightly interacted with.
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Yeah, I started this because I was bored and Ivan is one of my new favorite characters, but now I'm focusing on all the other cliques and finding ways for Ivan to tie into them. I have a real good idea of how this storyline is gonna go now. That's where Wayne comes in. Jimmy and Zoe have no involvement in this, but I'll put them in later.
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I really lost a lot of inspiration for continuing my current story. So it's time to start my new idea
THE BIBLE OF JIMMY HOPKINS
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Comments on the latest TLODIL story......
Your style continues to improve, keep it up.
The "Ground" is anything outside, the "Floor" is inside.
It's Ok to have sex when a girl/woman is preggers, that doesn't hurt anything.
Taking bets on if it's a girl or boy. If a boy, Tony's name is Antonino Calderone, Jr.
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I have a plan for the child, a great plan, and a plan for the way ahead future.
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I assume this is far ahead, since it takes 9 months to gestate a baby.
You haven't put in any time parameters, so I'll let you in on the progression.
September 2007 - Tony comes to Bullworth.
June 2010 - Tony graduates Bullworth.
June 2011 - Karen graduates Bullworth.
2010 to 2014 - Tony in College.
2011 to 2015 - Karen in College.
May 2014 - Tony graduates College.
June 2014 - Tony and Karen marry.
May 2015 - Karen graduates College.
Summer 2015 - Tony joins Liberty City PD.
Summer 2016 - Tony promoted to Detective.
Fall 2017 - Start of "To Live Or Die In Liberty"
Spring 2018 - Birth of 'Baby Calderone'.
The Bullworth NES covers only 1 year, from 2007-2008.
Tony, Nick, Laurent, Constantinos, will all graduate the same year.
The others will graduate (some won't) at various years TBD.
The only ones I have for sure right now is Ted & Mandy graduate in Winter 2008-09, Mid-Year.
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Good start to 510's story, "The Post-Jimmy Hopkins era".....The idea of English twins is Super !!
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Thanks, Chuck, I'm literally about to start another update. Also, Bertie and Leah are actually real people - they go to my university!
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Take your time. Good writing is an art to be crafted slow and steady.
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Take your time. Good writing is an art to be crafted slow and steady.
As the biology teacher says : Slow and Steady wins the race.
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I thought that was what the Tortoise said when he was racing the Rabbit ?
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What about Chad ? Wasn't he also banned by the Preps, thereby being an ally of Parker ?
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I'll get to Chad later on. Some relatively interesting stuff will happen involving him.
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I'd just like to thank whoever removed that story.
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Well 510....Latest (Leaving Bullworth Behind) is a good read so far.....Hope you leave it up !
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Thanks! I'll be sure to keep it this time!
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Well....What can I say ? The start of a new story, by a new member, is what.
The beginnings of a rather interesting concept.....The 3rd year of Bullworth, when Jimmy would be 17 and presumably a Senior, being started by MareeCena.
Hopefully, this story will go forward. I would suggest making the title something like "Bullworth Year 3" or something like that.
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A new Story start, Bully : College Edition. is up....I want to see this story continued. Post comments here. ;D
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A shout out to member 'Pete Kowalski' for yet another entry into "Prank Squad".....Keep 'em coming.... ;D