Bully-Board
Bully => Bully 1 Discussion => Topic started by: the punisher on May 23, 2007, 12:47:24 PM
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found this story on kotaku
Today, I went down to GAME on Dawson Street to pick up a copy of Bully, which has been released over in Ireland under the far inferior title Canis Canem Edit, because, as you all know, only the ancient tongue of philosophers and kings can accurately capture the spirit of a game about stink bombs, swirlies and atomic wedgies.
Everything was fine: I found Bully easily enough, brought it up to the counter and whipped out my credit card. But then the young whipper snapper scrutinized me.
"I need to see some ID, sir" he demanded. I considered grasping him by the lapels and swinging my hand back and forth in a devastating, sweeping arc across the pimply jowls of his blubbery face, shaking him awake again when he was on the verge of passing out. A Mike Hammer style bitch slap, as it were. But I quickly calmed down.
"I don't carry ID," I responded, truthfully.
"You don't carry ID?"
"I don't carry ID," I reaffirmed.
He couldn't believe it. "You don't carry ID?"
I started to repeat myself for a third time, then suddenly wheeled about in a bewildered double take. This freaked him out.
"Sir? Are you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, I think so: I just appear to have fallen through a rent in the fabric of time that sucked me back two seconds into the past," I explained. "I felt like I was endlessly repeating a conversation there for a moment. No worries. I seem to have escaped. Anyway, no, I don't have any ID on me: I don't have a license, and I left my passport at home."
He became apologetic. "Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I can't sell you this game without some identification. It's for ages 15 and older."
"Buddy, look at me: I'm practically 15 twice over."
"Well, looks can be deceiving, and this game has content not suitable for minors."
I was confused. "But just last week, I bought San Andreas from you guys. Then I took it home, ordered a hooker to blow me, and blew her head off with a sawed-off shotgun after she stepped out of the car . Then I took the car, drove it at a 100mph into a hospital, jumped out right before collision and shot the car with a bazooka for good measure. You didn't card me. What could Bully offer that's worse than that?"
The employee at GAME became conspiratorial. He leaned across the counter and, opening his eyes comically wide, whispered: "GAY. KISSING."
I feigned outrage. "What! Well, I never!" I shouted. Then I began walking around in a circle, ejaculating remarks I thought well indicative of moral outrage, such as "I'm calling my member of parliament!" and "There ought to be a law!" As sometimes happens when I go out in public, I suddenly found myself the focal point of a circle of bewildered, incredulously blinking stares.
I calmed down, thought for a second, then went back to talking to the GAME employee. "Look," I said soothingly. "I mean, I think swapping spit, let alone other fluids, with another man is as repugnant as you do. But how is gay kissing not appropriate for a 15 year old? I mean, we were both 15 once: gay kissing your buddies is the only way you get to practice how to kiss a real girl before the pressure's on and you're up at the plate, trying to hit your first homer... or, at the very least, a double. It's like how 12 year old straight girls strip down to their panties and practice cunnilingus and breast fondling on one another: it's just perfectly normal behavior for the staunch, morally upright youth who aspires to hetero excellence."
He couldn't argue with that logic. "Ummmmm...." he said. "Okay. Anyway, if you don't have ID, I still can't sell it to you, no matter how appropriate gay kissing is for kids. It's the policy of management." He raised his hands in the air, to indicate the power had been taken from him.
I didn't believe him; I decided to make one last ditch effort. "Boy!" I shouted in a tone of authoritarian command. "Look at me! In ancient Babylon did I tread; youthful was my gaze when it set upon the Lycean barques of yore. Old was I even when the first beasts writhed from the primordial ooze. Poets I have commanded to look upon my mighty works and despair; kings I have conquered; my wise lips have passed the eulogies of gods. Look upon me! The alpha! The omega! My name? Jehovah!"
I could have gone on like this for quite a while, but by this time the manager had wandered up. "Paudric," he sighed, rolling his eyes at me. "Just sell it to him already. He's like 27."
The point being: Jack Thompson was right. Bully is surprisingly easy for minors to purchase.
i would loved to have been there with a camcorder recording that incident
so i could stick it up on youtube.
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Severely amused over here. He is my hero. I want to marry him.
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LOL you don't live scotland, Glasgow, do ya?
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...
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That guy fails
I'm sorry, so much failure at life should not be allowed to live
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that was a nice little story.
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Agent smith... your back...
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Mr Anderson.
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Cha, i am back.
lol, its funny how things just come and go.
but im back, im hoping that not everyone is too angry at me. :D
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/angry face
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/o noes!
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Cha, i am back.
lol, its funny how things just come and go.
but im back, im hoping that not everyone is too angry at me. :D
Nu uh... not angry.... LIVID!
XD kidding
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lol. i have other moderating duties, so its hard to keep up with 2 sites. well not really, but im too lazy.
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how old are you really the punisher?
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how old are you really the punisher?
what does how old i am got to do with the story i posted?
FYI i'm 23 not that my age has anything to do with the story i posted.
going off topic lets get back on topic.
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AgentSmith Rocks, welcome back. Remember me? :D
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Who are you? lol, yah i remember you. but i dont remember who was supposed to help me with that guide, which i completed 3 chapters of, with complete detail. i just hope you werent part of it, :D
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*chuckles*
I LOVE it how it's always the sex/uality that pisses off the people annoyed about video games.
Out here, the GTA games were censored... not because of the fact that you take sniper rifles to tops of buildings and pop people's heads off, or that you blow up a car, or steal police vehicles or shoot at cars with a bazooka... but because you can hook up with a lady of the night, drive away into an alley, and watch- as you- and the worker, sit in different seats of the car, and there is a "rocking motion."
Seriously. That was the big clincher that pissed off the censors here.
As for getting carded... pfft. It amazes me how much stuff I was buying when I was underage, and yet now? I'm 26, and I don't drive (so no ID for me) and I got asked when I wanted a packet of cigarettes.
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I still get carded for games and not cigarettes. I'll bet you if I wanted, I wouldn't get carded for alcohol. It's a bit ridiculous.
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'parrently i look 18
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I don't know how old I look.
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You look about 17 i think
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Ooh, taking three years off of me, I see?
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Aye, bringing you down to my age, doll
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Apparently I look like im in my 40s, I am a very ill young boy
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Mat, i think i just laughed my pox off (Hhahahahhah get the pun?)
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heh.
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You'll have to take another two years off for that, babe.
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Meh I've been out with 18 year olds, i can cope with a easly two year age difference ;)
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Apparently I look like im in my 40s, I am a very ill young boy
speaking of that, have you posted yourself on the picture forum ?
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No, because the last person who saw his picture still hasn't come out of their shock-induced coma yet.
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I know not to stare into the eyes or else you turn into stone or something